


why i disliked you so much

by prettyoddity



Series: how we fell in love, and other yet to be explained stories [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Enemies to Lovers, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 02:52:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14126520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyoddity/pseuds/prettyoddity
Summary: Although here he was again, being kissed against some wall again, clothes hastily being taken off again— Jihoon still knew better than to disregard his own attachments for someone, in exchange for being their fuck-buddy. Yet ironically enough, that's exactly what he forgets with Kwon Soonyoung.In the latter's defense, however, he could definitely say that he was just trying to get by, merely following (read: miserably failing) his own silly rules. With Lee Jihoon, Soonyoung finds himself breaking a few too many, which include 1) "Always be..." 2) "Don't get..." 3) "Never agree..." and 4) "Learn when..."For two people who are both greatly alike and different, it's a little puzzling to solve their dynamic. But it just might be them who'll figure it out themselves.





	why i disliked you so much

**Author's Note:**

> so hi holy shit . are u ready for this
> 
> this took me a really long time (39 days to be exact!) to write, if u cant tell by this monstrous word count
> 
> fun fact: this was originally supposed to be called "half and half (take it)"
> 
> it's my first time writing this type of content so please go easy on me omg ,,
> 
> like, i'm SERIOUS it's my first time writing this stuff because i've only ever written and posted soft shit (cheeky promo, check out my other works if u like soft shit wink wink)
> 
> but here goes !!!
> 
> additional tags include:  
> sex under the influence of alcohol,  
> semi-public sex (ya nasty),  
> referenced past relationship abuse,  
> mild language,  
> and mutual pining (my personal favorite).
> 
> this ended up having more smut than intended lol please end me
> 
> but i hope u enjoy reading ♡
> 
> ps HUGE SORRY FOR ANY TYPOS AND GRAMMATICAL ERRORS because 1) english is not my 1st language, 2) i had written like 60% of this half asleep, 3) it's so long. whatta fuckin pain to edit, 4) i have fat thumbs, and 5) this is not in beta,, just like all my other works lol

 

_The ring of a doorbell resonates throughout the apartment unit, finding its way to make a pair of ears perk up, like those of a dog's._

_Soonyoung jolts awake under the soft fabric of the bed sheets, as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes. He sits upright, and that's when it hits him, realizing _oh_._

_He expects himself to not be wearing anything, but he actually is clothed. Lee Jihoon is snuggled next to him, his also, surprisingly, clothed body steadily rising and sinking in accordance with his breathing. They're in Jihoon's room. The sunlight is streaming through the curtained window. Nothing happened last night. It's Saturday. Soonyoung has a lecture at 8. The wall clock reads 7:12, and _shit, he has to get up_._

_Soonyoung's about to do so to answer the door, only to be stopped when Jihoon suddenly reaches out for his wrist. Soonyoung freezes, and he notices the other boy's face in an expression of distress. His eyes are closed, but he mumbles a faint "Don't go."_

_Soonyoung doesn't go._

_Jihoon is burning up, Soonyoung learns. And he remembers— remembers how Jihoon had gotten a fever, how they had argued, how Soonyoung had accidentally said _that_ , and how Jihoon had burst out nearly everything he could. Crap. Soonyoung mentally facepalms himself, but it's not like he can do anything about it anymore. What's done has been done. "...Jihoon."  
No response.  
"Jihoon," Soonyoung says softly, fixing the said boy's dark hair._

_No response._

_It's silent for a few moments, and everything seems still, as Soonyoung continues carding his fingers through the hair. If it weren't for the fact that Jihoon was sick, Soonyoung would say that he looked peaceful like this. Peaceful, and beautiful, and Soonyoung would give anything to just stop everything and forget everything— and stay. Stay like this, in a perfectly imperfect moment. He could kiss him right now. He'd want to._

_Still, like a lot of things between the two of them, Soonyoung doesn't know if he's supposed to do that. Especially right now. Not after their unresolved scene last night. Not after how close they've gotten this past month. (And not while Jihoon is still sick and they both have morning breath.) So, he doesn't._

_"Ji."  
"...Mm?"  
"You wait here, okay? I still need to, uh, wash up and all, and— oh, shit, I still have a class. I mean— I'll get you new clothes too, and I'll get you to cool down, okay?" he says, checking his forehead again. "You're still hot."  
Jihoon shakes his head weakly. "No... Stay here, Soonyoung. With me."  
Soonyoung gulps. "Ji," he says, laughing it off. "I'll get sick too. You have a fever. I'll... I'll take care of you."  
"N-No!" Jihoon stutters out. "I didn't mean it. I'm not thinking right. G-Go to your class.  
"...No."  
"What?"  
"I'll stay, alright? With you."  
"...Really?"  
"I will," Soonyoung whispers, interlocking his fingers with Jihoon's._

_He stays with Jihoon. No 11AM class was attended._

_"You know, Soonyoung, one of these days I am _so_ going to scold you. You keep on cutting classes."  
"Hey! That was psych that I didn't really need to take, _one_ time."  
"You cut it anyway. What if you lose your scholarship?"  
"I won't! And for your information, I hope you remember that I cut it for you."  
"...A-And you're doing it again, you dummy."_

_And it's a banter they're both familiar with; they've both grown into. Jihoon knows better than to trust and look forward to the moments like these that they share, because it's temporary and unpromising, maybe it always was and always is— and Jihoon wants to believe it'll stay that way, that it's supposed to be like that, that he'll play along and put up with it just 'cause— but when Soonyoung kisses his forehead, and plays with his hands, and combs his hair, and feeds him the soup he made, it fools Jihoon to believe otherwise. Soonyoung was like that anyway._

_[Jihoon falls first, and is first to fall out of it, too (make an attempt to, at least). Soonyoung falls second, realizing a little too late, and at a timing too bad, and it's always sudden and never rational. Between them, indulgence is the root of everything. Reciprocation is exchanged blindly, yet they grew to care too much to be able to reject— so they're somewhere in between those two things._

_Well, they're in between a lot of things, to be honest.]_

See, maybe this all would have been easier if they had been fortunate with love. No pining over a longtime crush who suddenly gets taken (or so you think he does). No beating yourself up over an ex-boyfriend you probably never loved, but just thought made you happy.

Would have been easier if they were also good at handling their alcohol. And if they weren't so easily swayed by each other's drunken flirting. And if they hadn't disliked each other so much. Yeah, that one.

They just turned out to be the opposite of that.

 

* * *

 

**Rule #1: Always be considerate of other people.**

**_August, four months before._**

"So, I'll be assigning you some classical pieces to work on, and you may—"

All the students' attention is diverted when the door to the music theory classroom opens.

Inside rushing in is Kwon Soonyoung, his dark silver hair disheveled, face flushed and a few beads of sweat running down the side of it as if he ran through the whole campus, bomber jacket falling off his shoulders.

Jihoon, sat in the chair closest to the door, sniggers.

"Mr. Kwon," the teacher greets curtly.

"Good morning, sir," Soonyoung says as curtly back, shrugging.

"Care to share with us why you've arrived in my class... _twenty-eight_ minutes late?"  
"I— um, woke up late and, uh, misplaced my apartment keys."  
Jihoon rolls his eyes, daring to butt in. "That sure isn't close to what you were actually doing. Not even a bit."  
Soonyoung raises an eyebrow, looking down at him. "E-Excuse me, Lee?"  
He folds his arms. "Want me to spell it out for you, Kwon? Weren't you meeting up with an older—"  
In a flash, Soonyoung slams his hands against Jihoon's shoulders, pressing him back to his seat. "Shut the fuck up," he growls. Jihoon doesn't flinch.

"Kwon Soonyoung! Lee Jihoon! Stop this behavior. You're acting like children."  
"He's right, Kwon," Jihoon says lowly. "Get your hands off me. I wonder what your pretty little boyfriend would think if he saw this."  
"You're so fucking stuck-up, Lee," he mumbles, before shoving him once more and deciding to back off. For now, at least.

Jihoon flips him the finger when he walks away, and the teacher's back is facing them. A few students snicker. Music theory would be fun if Soonyoung didn't have the same period as him, but he returns to his work, smug expression on.

And with that, Soonyoung proves to be Jihoon's most disliked person on campus once more. No matter how hot he is. It shouldn't matter how hot he is. ~~Even if he looks so fucking good in those really tight pants he sometimes wears~~. It doesn't change the fact that he's an asshole. So, fuck that.

The period ends about fifty minutes later, and Jihoon gathers up his stuff to leave. His friend, Junhui, goes up to him.

"Hey, Jihoon!"  
He turns around. "Hi, Junhui," he smiles. "What's up?"  
"Uh, actually," he says, stopping when they get out of the room. "What's with you and Soonyoung?"  
Jihoon laughs, looking at Junhui crazily. "Uh? Nothing? I just hate his face, the hell are you on about?"  
"I dunno. Soonyoung's actually a really nice guy, you know. He's friends with basically everyone. Well, except you. Because you're mean to him, he's mean to you too."  
"You're not wrong," Jihoon scoffs.

"I even think that the two of you are pretty similar. But I think I understand why you seem to clash with him."  
The smaller boy furrows his brow. "Elaborate?"  
"I think I've elaborated a lot," Junhui says, rolling his eyes. "But I know sexual tension when I see it," he chuckles.

"Wha—?!" Jihoon lets out.

"Anyway, my boyfriend's here to pick me up. Like usual," he says, nudging Jihoon. "See you!"  
And Jihoon thinks, _what the fuck_ , before muttering a late "Like usual," to himself. Junhui and his boyfriend really have always been like usual. He's kinda jealous of how subtle they are.

Instead of thinking about his cheap convenience store lunch though, Jihoon keeps on thinking _what the fuck_ as he walks on his way out to the nearest convenience store from there, which wasn't even that near, what the hell. But not for long, when he sees Kim Mingyu approaching from the other direction, along with this guy in Mingyu's year whom Jihoon occasionally talks to, Seokmin, and, _fuck, they're with Kwon Soonyoung_.

Jihoon scrunches his nose up in disgust. It would've been perfect— just Mingyu, with his tan skin and canine smile and beach boy hair in all his 186 centimeter glory, in Jihoon's line of sight. Seokmin too, maybe, he's a pretty nice guy.

But why does the guy he's crushing on has to be walking with the guy he dislikes so much? Not to mention be good friends with. It was so not fair.

Jihoon won't deny it, but Soonyoung was attractive. The way he acted around his friends was a complete 180° from the way he acted around Jihoon. When he would see Soonyoung with his friends, or at parties he didn't even like, or at the dance studio he'd sometimes (often) pass by, Jihoon would find himself oddly drawn to him. He's a good student too. He's... not that bad. Just that Jihoon won't forgive him for the time drunk Soonyoung threw up on him during freshman year. And the fact that he didn't apologize. And had come off as an arrogant ass to Jihoon. Which ultimately led to them disliking each other. So, there's that.

Even though Jihoon is here facing Kim Mingyu, who looks so goddamn perfect, fuck him (Jihoon wishes), he keeps his head down, scowling when he looks at Soonyoung. The said boy is laughing at something Mingyu had said, his cheeks stretched out and eyes upturned as he smiles. Jihoon rolls his eyes.  
(It shouldn't be allowed to look like that when laughing. Jihoon knows better than to find the person he dislikes the most cute. 'Attractive' has already crossed too many lines too, honestly.)

As Jihoon passes by, Soonyoung laughs particularly harder, and he shoves Mingyu as he does so.

Much to Jihoon's chagrin, (and his liking too, actually), Mingyu bumps into him.

Now, Jihoon knows he's short. Like, not completely _that_ short, but tiny enough to get knocked to his feet when the average height person bumps rather harshly into him. Kim Mingyu, who is a whole twenty-something centimeters taller than him, and of above average height, may he mention, is, _obviously_ no exception.

Jihoon kind of wants to die, but he's also kind of glad to have been bumped into by the fucking _tree_ he has a crush on. So, it's just great.

"Oh my god! I'm so, so, sorry— shit, are you okay?" Mingyu fusses, scrambling over to Jihoon, who was now on his butt on the floor.

Jihoon feels himself blush profusely. "I— um, I'm fine. Thanks," he says, as Mingyu helps him gather his things.

"Soonyoung-hyung," Seokmin whines. "You pushed Mingyu which made him bump into Jihoon-hyung!"  
"...So?"  
"Aren't you going to apologize? Or even help?"  
"It's not my fault that I didn't know he was there," Soonyoung replies stubbornly.

Seokmin blinks at him in disbelief, before turning to help Jihoon as well.

Soonyoung spots a notebook that had gotten to the far side of the hallway behind Jihoon. He goes to pick it up, careful not to get noticed, snickering to himself when he opens it to find the small words "Lee Jihoon" scrawled out.

He hides the notebook in his bag, looking back at his two friends who were still occupied with that lame Jihoon. He opts to tell Seokmin through text instead.

 **[Hoshi-hyung!!]**  
Sorry I suddenly disappeared, I just remembered I had to do something

I'll meet you after lunch I guess !!  
**[sent 1:17 PM]**

Which isn't completely a lie, because he's kind of supposed to have lunch with his boyfriend today. Not that he was this close to bailing out on him, but you could say that. At least he's changed his mind now, right?

But, listen here. Soonyoung is usually nice. He's usually friendly, and deemed an easy person to approach. He's good at socializing, making people laugh, and just having a grand time with them. He thinks about how his actions can affect another person. Soonyoung is usually _considerate_.

But with Lee Jihoon, snobby know-it-all and musical genius (though he may never admit he likes his music), Soonyoung feels his insides churn because something about Jihoon is rubbing him in the wrong way.

Soonyoung does not feel like he should even consider being considerate toward him. He doesn't even know what he ever did wrong to get on this guy's bad side, and finding out why will literally be a waste of time and energy.

And that's that.

 

* * *

 

**Rule #2: Don't get angry with people you barely know.**

Five turned pages in Jihoon's notebook later, Soonyoung learns that the former is a huge, sappy, _romantic_.

Seriously, look at the stuff he's written down. Soonyoung doesn't know if these are lyrics to a song, poetry, or both.

He reads a few parts of another one written on the next page.

 

**So, that's why I want to know everything about you.  
I'll sing to you, yoo-hoo, I'll sing to you, yoo-hoo.  
Even if my lips go dry, I have to say this—  
Baby, I adore you, I adore you, enough to get dizzy.  
I adore you.**

Soonyoung halts, recognizing it as the lyrics of one of Jihoon's hit songs that had earned him quite some fame around campus (and even outside too, Soonyoung hears Jihoon has a YouTube and that Soundcloud thing.).

He wants to keep on reading, but his conscience is bugging him that he's intruded more than enough. He closes the notebook, putting it back in his bag, sighing.

Soonyoung was currently at his boyfriend's apartment, which wasn't very far from campus. Said boyfriend was actually three years older than him, and was already working. Well, _working_ , at least from what Soonyoung knows.

They met at some club some time ago, and they've been dating for five months-ish now.

It's not exactly perfect— their relationship— but Soonyoung wants to believe they're fine, really.

(Soonyoung wants to believe he has the power to decide for himself and distinguish what makes him unconditionally happy from what makes him happy, but with limits and conditions. Basically, the opposite. However, that's exactly what he isn't doing.)

The sound of the door clicks, and his boyfriend, whose head peeped from the other side of the door, tells him that they should get going. Soonyoung follows, bringing his bag too.

His boyfriend has to pick up a few last things from the convenience store so that they can finish making lunch and finally eat. Soonyoung, being Soonyoung, follows, but partly also because he just likes to follow the older boy around.

Everything is fine. Soonyoung wants to believe it really, _really_ is. But now that they're in the chilled drinks section of the store, and the taller man asks him to hold his phone for a while, and Soonyoung has accidentally seen the notifications that contained... rather intimate and sweet messages, coming from a _contact that isn't himself_ , Soonyoung finds it less and less believable.

"...Babe."  
"Yeah?" His boyfriend asks, back turned as he rummages around one shelf, searching for something.

"W-Who is this?"  
"Who's wh— fuck, you nosy shit!" he shouts, snatching away the phone.

All at once, Soonyoung feels all eyes in the small store look towards the two of them.

He swallows the lump in his throat, before replying, "B-Babe... We're in public, it's not funny..."  
"I don't care, Soonyoung," he growls, face threateningly close to his. "Did I ever allow you to snoop around my phone?"

Soonyoung doesn't reply, his throat constricting, unable to utter— from this fear he had seen coming, the fear that had always been there, the fear he had dismissed for so long because he believed that it was alright.

"Answer me!"  
"No!" Soonyoung chokes out. "N-No, you didn't. I'm so sorry. P-Please forgive me," he whispers.

The older man drops the items held in their hands, as he yanking Soonyoung harshly by the wrist, out of the store. Soonyoung can already tell that his wrist will soon get bruised. Soonyoung can already tell where this is going to go.

But they don't take a turn anywhere. Not into an alley, or behind the store. They stand outside, not walking any further. Soonyoung hears the bell by the convenience store door ring, and it seems that a few people are watching them.

Soonyoung is about to open his mouth to ask for forgiveness once more, but he's met with a harsh smack across his face. It stings, and he feels humiliated, but he bites his lip, feeling the tears welling up. And he feels so, so, small.

"You're just as good-for-nothing as always. I don't want to see you. Go home," the older man tells him, before shoving past him, and Soonyoung can feel the coldness of his gaze with just that.

Great. His shitty excuse of a boyfriend has gone too much again, this time in public, his cheek and his wrist hurt, he's about to cry and beat himself up, but worst of all, _he's so fucking hungry_. Just fucking great. At least he's brought his bag along.

He lets the tears fall, hastily wiping them away when they do. He instantly regrets it, though, because his cheek is painful to touch.

He couldn't imagine how this could get any worse, until someone quietly calls his name.

"S-Soonyoung-ssi?"  
He turns away, unable to face whoever called him, but he learns that this person is determined. He walks quickly, not even knowing where he's going, but there who runs up in front of him, stopping him in his tracks, is Lee Jihoon. Really fucking great.

His dirty blond hair is disheveled, and it's the first time that Soonyoung is seeing him with this stance. His shoulders are shrinking in caution, compared to his usual confident posture. "Hey, I—"  
"I don't want to deal with you," Soonyoung deadpans, walking past him. "If you have nothing to give me other than a pity party, then forget it."

Soonyoung walks back to his own place, sometimes running when he feels like it, barely even navigating himself, because he's been on this road so many times— thinking that, _god, he's so fucking pathetic_.

He changes his mind as he's almost there, though, turning around to go to a practice room. Junhui, Minghao, Chan, or any of the other guys wouldn't even be there by this time.

Even better, that he happens to pass by one of the music rooms, and he meets Seokmin's eyes through the windows, and thinks that, _fuck, he's gonna be so screwed_.

Soonyoung attempts to run, but Seokmin is quick on his feet. The younger boy takes him by his shoulder, forcing Soonyoung to face him.

It's only then that Soonyoung realizes that the person catching up behind his friend, was Lee Jihoon. Wow. Could things get any fucking better? Now Jihoon's here to see the encore. Amazing.

"Hyung! What's wrong?"  
"Why is he fucking here?!" Soonyoung blurts out exasperatedly, pointing at Jihoon, giving him the stink eye. Said boy doesn't do anything.

Seokmin rolls his eyes. "It doesn't matter. Hyung, what the hell is happening?"  
"I don't know what you're talking about."  
"And— oh my god, hyung!" Seokmin nearly shouts, examining the mark left on his face. "Okay," he inhales. "Gosh. I guess you really are stubborn, hyung. Jihoon-hyung here," Seokmin says, placing an arm around his shoulder. "Was at a certain convenience store earlier."

Soonyoung feels his mouth go dry. Seokmin continues. "Hyung, you can't just keep letting him do that, you know!"  
"I know!" Soonyoung says loudly, almost shouting. "I know, and I know, and I know that! But I can't— ugh, wait," and Soonyoung decides he can't talk about him and his boyfriend like _this_.

So there goes, Soonyoung grabs Jihoon by the wrist, over to the next corner of the hall. He nicely asks Seokmin to not join in, and he does, much to Soonyoung's surprise.

"Listen, Lee."  
"I'm listening."  
"You can't just fucking intervene with other people's business like that!"  
Jihoon scoffs. "So I'm the bad guy here? Just because I told Seokmin about it, who happens to be my friend, who happens to be yours as well?"  
"I'm not putting any bad guy label on you, Lee! I'm just— I just hate it! You didn't have to tell him! You're only making him worry about me."  
"Jesus Christ, Kwon. I did the right thing!"  
"You don't even know if it's the right thing for me! You don't even _know_ me! You're only making things harder," Soonyoung breathes out angrily.

Jihoon folds his arms. This is not worth his time. "I could say the same about you, Kwon! You barely know me either, yet you assume I'm doing this because I want you to have a hard time? Oh, fucking grow up. I might dislike you, and we might be assholes to each other, but that doesn't mean I don't care about that stuff! Even if I do dislike you, I'm not that sick to want to see you get beat up by your boyfriend. Or whatever that asshole is to you— I hope he rots, by the way, tell him I said that when you see him. I know better than that. I could never just watch a scene like that happen to someone and not care and just forget it happened. Not even if it's you! Are you fucking stupid?!"  
"Maybe I am!" Soonyoung replies, feeling hot from getting angry.

"Look, Lee," Soonyoung sighs, burying his face in his hands. He looks back up. "I'll do whatever I'll have to. I just want you to pretend that none of today happened. I'd like for you to forget about it."  
Jihoon rolls his eyes. "I just told you I can't just see something like that and forget about it. Are you really that dismissive of fucking abuse— he could be in jail, you know!"  
"I don't care!" Soonyoung snaps. "I don't care, okay? That's great. Forget about what you saw today, in exchange for this," he offers, pulling out Jihoon's notebook.  
"I— what! How is this with you, what the fuck?"  
"Long story. Now do we have a deal, or what?"  
"...It's a deal, I guess," Jihoon agrees, taking the notebook in his hands. He hesitates for a moment, but he brings himself to take out his hand to shake with Soonyoung's.

Soonyoung didn't mean for his temper to get to him, which made him get angry with Jihoon, rather irrationally. Very irrationally. He barely even knows Jihoon, yet he judged him just like that. It's a little scary, what he can do without self-control, he has to admit.

It's just that Soonyoung's afraid of people finding out about his true self. How vulnerable he really is. If it were up to him, he'd never want anyone to know about it.

He takes in a breath, before regaining composure.

Soonyoung wishes that forgetting didn't have to be such a pain in the ass.

 

* * *

 

**Rule #3: Never agree to hook up with someone you've previously known. (It's kind of awkward.)**

_September, three months earlier._ ****

It's kinda dumb.

This party is kinda dumb, and this drink is kinda dumb, but maybe it's because he's already had a bit too many.

But his tipsy conscience tells him to _drink it_ , so he does. He takes two big gulps, the cold liquid hot down his throat, burning across his cheeks. It's great.

Being here is kinda dumb. He figures that there's a kinda dumb side to everything. Hell, maybe even he himself looks silly right now. All bundled up in a jacket two sizes too large for him,

Jihoon doesn't even know how long he's been here, or what ungodly hour it already is, but he's already ass drunk, so definitely a few hours now.

Ask him things, though. Jihoon finds himself to enjoy being asked things when he's drunk. It's better while he's drunk.

So, he's just basically been drinking, and playing too much truth-or-dare or spin-the-bottle this night.

It's fun. Getting drunk is fun. Playing games is fun. It takes his mind off things. Off a lot of things. Like the image of Mingyu taking home some other guy Jihoon doesn't exactly recognize, just that he recalls him being the really good Chinese student in art class. And the memory of Mingyu calling Jihoon a "really great friend" the other day because he helped him with calc homework. And how much he wants to hide in the bathroom and scream his lungs out from how stupid having a longtime crush is. It's just fun, man.

So, now he's forcing his brain to think of other things, like _who's the cutest gay couple in this room_ , or _who should he drunkly walk up to and make potential friends with, or _which guy is looking like a whole five-course meal whose dick Jihoon would like to suck off__. That stuff.

Things are going splendid though, Jihoon thinks, because at least one of those things listed above are in his control, because he would very much like to initiate things with the hot guy he's with right now.

Jihoon lets out some sort of giggle, because it's weird that he _doesn't_ want to punch off the smirk on Kwon Soonyoung's face right now. The dark silver of his hair falls above his eyes nicely, and Jihoon thinks it looks good next to his own dirty blond hair. He smiles dumbly.

They bumped into each other earlier— Jihoon doesn't even remember clearly anymore— and they somehow sparked a conversation which led to them drinking together. Which is ridiculously out of their characters, considering the fact that they recently snapped at each other a week ago in English class. ( _"...I don't know what that fucking word means, Lee. And it seems like you don't know either. So, why not we just keep reading this and pretend to understand?"  
"No fucking thanks, because unlike you, I actually care enough to use my brain."  
"So I'm gonna be here and watch you fail."  
"The only thing you need to be watching here is yourself, Kwon. Shut the fuck up."  
"Oooh, I'm so scared. Spare me, Jihoon-ah."  
"Keep dreaming, asshat.")_

The two of them would've probably looked much cooler sitting on this patio with cigarette sticks in between their lips or something, but no, they're drinking some flavored soju of sorts and they're laughing loudly at something Soonyoung is saying about that one time he threw up the first time he got wasted in college (a _very_ familiar story, Jihoon thinks), as if it were the joke of the century, so actually they just look really stupid right now.

Soonyoung's cheeks are shaded red from the alcohol, from what Jihoon believes, his eyes have a little twinkle of mirth and playfulness in them, but his touches are quite shy. Jihoon smiles again, probably looking a bit dopey, because a whole new side of Soonyoung is here with him. He's only discovering now how Soonyoung is drunk, and he can't even imagine how he is when he's a nice sober. He'll settle for a nice drunk Soonyoung for now, though.

Jihoon wonders if this is really what he's been missing out on. Would he not be here if he had gotten along with Soonyoung since then? What has he been doing all this time, acting all like a douche with Soonyoung?

However, Jihoon could care less, he thinks, as he sips from his drink. He's enjoying the alcohol too much to think of all these what-ifs.

"I can't _believe_ I'm saying this, Lee, but you're actually not that bad."  
"You too!"  
"Tell me something about yourself, then. It's okay, since our systems are pretty much a mess right now. Tell me something I don't know. Or even better," he says getting close to Jihoon's ear. "A secret."

Jihoon feels the hairs on the back of his nape stand up at the sensation of Soonyoung's hot breath. Fuck.

"Okay," Jihoon starts, his lips curling up. He faces Soonyoung. "I think you're quite attractive."  
Soonyoung raises a brow. "Oh? So is this what I think this is?" he smirks, before finishing his drink. He suddenly snakes his arms around Jihoon's waist from behind. Jihoon grips the rail of the patio's fence, taken by surprise. Fuck. He might as well go crazy now.

"F-For the record, that's not the secret," Jihoon says, placing his hand that wasn't holding his soju above Soonyoung's, as if making an attempt to remove them, but he doesn't. "Secret is— I'm gay, and I would really like to kiss you right now."

It happens slowly— the feeling of Soonyoung's arms loosening, and Jihoon thinks that _fuck, wrong move_ , along with the quiet between them. Everything picks up at once, though, because Soonyoung turns him around, back now against the fence, and the next thing Jihoon registers is hands cupping his ass, their proximity that is rapidly increasing, with Soonyoung finally leaning down completely to kiss him.

It's weird. Not in a bad way. But, weird in a, I-don't-think-I'm-supposed-to-be-used-to-this weird. It's funny, because usually they're ready to rip out each other's throats, but here they are, with Soonyoung fucking swiping his tongue across Jihoon's lips, and Jihoon can't help but admit how well they fit together, body and height difference wise. It makes him weak in the knees.

Soonyoung tastes just as Jihoon himself does— the same flavor of the drink— except Jihoon is too goddamn dizzy and intoxicated to identify what it even exactly tastes like.

They slowly separate to regain their breaths, and Jihoon kinda feels like his body temperature is at boiling point. His chest is heaving, and Soonyoung's is too, and Jihoon winces because the heat rushing to his whole face is making him light-headed.

"Sorry, I—" Soonyoung breathes out. "—G-Got a little carried away there."  
Jihoon shakes his head. "No, no, I— I liked it," he says, looking down, his hair covering his eyes.

Soonyoung blinks at him, in somewhat a both stupid yet endearing way. The thumping of his own heart seems to even be louder than the music playing from inside.

He's bright, Jihoon thinks. Jihoon hasn't taken everything in yet, and he's not really believing what's happening. He doesn't even know why they just kissed, but he kind of does, and why Soonyoung would even do that, and why Jihoon fucking likes it, and why he likes Soonyoung like this.

But Soonyoung smiles at him, pretty and warm and _bright_ , his cheeks nicely flushed, the dim lights and the muffled heavy beats of electronic music making everything feel unreal, as if they were in a movie, and Jihoon can't help but want to kiss him again.

He pulls Soonyoung down to match his height, before firmly connecting their lips once more.

Jihoon is not normally like this. He doesn't kiss boys in public places. He doesn't kiss boys at parties. He doesn't kiss boys he sort of dislikes. Jihoon hasn't even done anything relatively close to hooking up with someone in a long time, but here he is, running his hands across the skin beneath Soonyoung's sweatshirt, and Soonyoung is sticking his tongue inside the warmth of his mouth, fingers roaming through his hair.

Soonyoung is a great kisser. Jihoon wonders how many people he's kissed and built experience with. He himself hasn't kissed a lot of people, but he's not bad at it. But Soonyoung kisses him as if they've been doing this for years, and it's like his lips and his hands know just what to do, teasing him just an enough amount for Jihoon to whine in impatience against his mouth. Surprisingly, it's driving him crazy, and his cheeks are now perpetually red.

The smaller boy struggles to keep himself up, his knees wobbly, what with the overwhelming feeling of Soonyoung, so he moves a little.

Now, Jihoon swears he had done it by pure accident, but he's kind of glad he did it anyway. Which was accidentally brushing his knee a little bit by the taller's inner thighs. Which earns Jihoon a small moan from him against his mouth. Which is now making him feel even more hot.

"S-Sorry," Soonyoung breathes against him. "I'm a little sensitive, I guess," he says, looking away as he blushes.

The mental image of Soonyoung being really jumpy and loud when being touched crosses through Jihoon's brain, and the tightening of his pants is telling him to stop being a wuss and do what he wants to.

Jihoon smiles at him, caressing his face. "You're so fucking pretty, Kwon."  
"Y-Yeah?"  
"Hell yeah. Makes me want to do things to you."  
"Like what?" Soonyoung asks in an innocent tone, but things only get less innocent, as he presses up closer to Jihoon, his lips finding its way to Jihoon's ear.

The boy shudders at the sensation, making him tingly all over. Their whole ordeal had turned into some sort of I-bet-I-can-get-you-even-more-flustered competition. Not that Jihoon wasn't enjoying it.

Well, if this was a competition, then a competition it is.

Jihoon doesn't lose his momentum, taking this as his chance to regain dominance. The taller boy gasps when Jihoon places the light touch of his palm on his crotch, smirking before replying, "Like this."  
"Low blow, Lee," Soonyoung grits out through his teeth, stepping back a bit. "You sure enjoy riling me up. You always do."  
"Of course, Kwon. Can't believe you're only pointing that out now. You're cute when you're flustered."  
Jihoon expects Soonyoung to keep up with his banter, but the latter pulls him by the belt loops of his pants, flush against Soonyoung's warm body. "I think the image of you underneath me, squirming and begging for my touch, is even cuter," he says in a husky voice, which just honestly hits the jackpot and makes him kinda want to evaporate on the spot. The next thing Jihoon feels is Soonyoung's hot, wet mouth running across his neck, licking and sucking and nibbling, sure to leave marks, and Jihoon fucking groans, because _what the fuck that's so hot_.

"Nghh— S-Soonyoung—!" he moans out, when Soonyoung touches beneath his shirt under his jacket.

"Fuck, yes," Soonyoung mumbles, against Jihoon's collarbones. "Fucking call me by my name all the time."  
Jihoon swallows away another involuntary noise of pleasure, before replying, "We've gotta get out of here if you want to hear more of that, Kwon," he states, matter-of-factly, glad he could retain what little drunken composure he has left in his voice.

"Your place or your place, then?" Soonyoung asks, smiling goofily.

"My fucking place, you fucking dork," Jihoon says back, as they ready a cab.

Jihoon can suprisingly keep his hands to himself while they're in the backseat of the cab, but Soonyoung apparently cannot. The latter had placed a hand on Jihoon's thigh, drawing patterns on it that Jihoon can't even identify (though he thinks one looked like a smiley face?). He leaned in closely to Jihoon too, his head resting on the smaller boy's shoulder.

The ride back is quicker than Jihoon had ever expected, and now he's starting to feel _incredibly_ nervous, drawing out the probability of everything that could go horribly wrong. Like, what if Soonyoung throws up on him again? What if he throws up on Soonyoung instead? What if he doesn't enjoy... the actual thing?

Maybe Jihoon would chicken out, because he really did _not_ expect his first time to take place while he was drunk, during a hook-up with this guy whom Jihoon hadn't even felt any romantic or sexual feelings for until that very night.

It seems like with Soonyoung, Jihoon is not following his conscience. Conscience is knocked out and very drunk tonight, apparently.

"S-Soon— mmh, Kwon Soonyoung," Jihoon says in a muffled voice, due to Soonyoung's lips moving against his, after Jihoon's much key-fumbling to actually get inside.

Soonyoung pulls away from Jihoon, who he had pinned against the door. "Yeah?"  
"As pretty as you are and as much as I would like to do things to you, I think I am not... _experienced_ enough to, like, make any _dominant_ moves on you..." Jihoon trails off, his shyness creeping up to the back of his neck and the tips of his ears.

The taller smirks. "And who told you I would let you do that, anyway?" he says smugly. "You're so cute, _Jihoonie_."

Jihoon internally screams, because Soonyoung calling him cute? Along with that godforsaken nickname? Not to mention that he called him by that, and not Lee.

Soonyoung hasn't even touched him yet, but Jihoon is already so _fucked_.

"I-I'm not!" he stutters, leading the other boy towards his room.

They enter Jihoon's room, and he mentally curses himself because _why did he have to leave it untidy_ , but Soonyoung doesn't seem to mind at all. The latter initiates the kiss again, and Jihoon feels nervous again. Soonyoung is pretty... enthusiastic, and earnest, he learns.

"Fuck. You're so beautiful," Soonyoung curses, after he's had Jihoon lay on the bed, his shirt now off and chest bare. "Could have you like this all the time. You want that?" he teases, and Jihoon lets out a strangled moan when Soonyoung runs his slightly calloused hands across Jihoon's waist, leaving kisses down the milky white skin of his stomach.

"S-Shut the fuck up, you smooth ass talker," Jihoon attempts to sound in authority, but the tremble in his voice shows that he is definitely _not_. He wonders if Soonyoung is like this all the time. When he's sober, Jihoon means. Does he curse a lot? Does he use dirty talk in bed? Does he give away aggressive compliments?

It's a little odd to admit, but Jihoon is starting to take a liking for him. And that's not supposed to be good.

"Okay," Soonyoung starts, breathlessly taking off his own sweater. "Do you have, like, lube? And maybe condoms?"  
Fuck. Jihoon feels himself heat up. "I, uh..."  
"You, uh, what?"  
"I-I've never done this..." he confesses quietly, looking at the far side of the room.

"Holy shit," Soonyoung gapes. "You're joking!"  
"Holy shit," Jihoon replies. "I ain't!"  
"What the hell? Lee Jihoon, pretty hot and pretty intimidating music major guy in my year, who I also kinda hate and think is a douchebag but am now ironically hooking up with, is a virgin?"  
"Yeah, so s-shut up," Jihoon mumbles, feeling self-conscious as he covers his arms across his chest.

Soonyoung does not allow him to do this, removing Jihoon's arms, then kissing his left ear, to his neck, and down to his collarbone. "Because you're _new_ to this, Jihoonie, I just want to make you feel good," Soonyoung says, smiling, and it looks too innocent to be used in a situation such as this, but Jihoon doesn't mind. "And not hurt you, that too, but mostly the first one," he adds.

Soonyoung (rather drunkenly, he almost trips and crushes Jihoon) reaches over to the nightstand next to Jihoon's bed, checking the drawer, just because "you'll never know."

"For good measure," he says.

Good measure indeed, because they both find those two things.

"Um... you have it though."  
"W-What?!" the smaller boy blurts out.

"Yeah," Soonyoung smirks. "You're surprised?"  
"Of course I am! What the fuck, I've never been laid, why would that be here?"

Jihoon feels his phone suddenly vibrate violently in his back pocket, because his pants are still on. He excuses himself, telling Soonyoung it'll only take a while. He opens it to find texts from none other who would spam him with messages— Choi Seungcheol, of course.

 **[coups hyung]**  
Jihoon-ah !!!!!!!

my very very VERY best friend whom i love v much

i'm boo boo teh fucking fool

i accidentally left ....a pack of condoms

and a bottle of lube too omg

in ur bedroom drawr.

im so stupid i dont want peopel to think were fucking

im alreadyfucking two other boys

i left it as a jOke man iswear

then again y would anyone assume ure fucking me,, u dont even bring boys to ur place u fuckin cowarf

I MEAN

NO I LVOE U AND I NEED A FAVOR BEVAUSE I REALLY NEED THE THINGS WILL U PLS SPSL PZLLZL BRING THEM FOR ME OR SMTH

 **[ji(nius)]**  
No. shut the fuck up

I haev a boy over

u go have a nice night cheol :)  
**[sent 12:48 AM]**

And Jihoon mutes his phone.

"You done?" Soonyoung pouts.

"Yep," Jihoon says, putting away his phone somewhere on the floor. "Sorry for that. I'm all yours now."  
"Great," Soonyoung smiles widely. "So can we use these or what?" he gestures to the pack and the bottle.

"Yes," Jihoon blushes. "You know how nervous I am. So, promise you'll take care of me."  
"Okay," the other boy responds, kissing him. "I promise," and his hands find their way to the button of Jihoon's pants.

Jihoon hisses when Soonyoung pulls his boxers down along with the jeans, making his cock spring up. "Shit," Soonyoung breathes out.

"Fucking hell, Kwon Soonyoung, will you ever stop doing that?"  
"Doing what?" Soonyoung asks, looking up at him from in between his legs.

"Cursing like you can't believe what you're seeing. Like you're actually so turned on by everything."  
"Because I am," he replies, taking Jihoon by surprise when he kisses the side of his cock.

The blond immediately cups a hand over his mouth, his hips involuntarily bucking up, and his erection awkwardly tightening more. "H-Holy fuck, don't do that."  
"Your cock is big, you know," Soonyoung says, with the audacity to fucking _giggle_. "You're really so cute. I can't believe how lucky I am tonight. I can't understand why someone as pretty and hot and cute as you has never been fucked violently against a bed or a wall or anywhere, but I'm here, with the pleasure of being the first one to do that," he ends, and Jihoon shudders because Soonyoung sounds so sexy, what the fuck.

"So for the next one, I'm going to want to have you spread your legs, baby."  
Fuck! When is he going to fucking stop? Baby? Oh, god. "Stop that. You make me shy," Jihoon mutters, covering his face.

Soonyoung laughs. "Sorry. So do you still really want to do this?"  
Jihoon pauses. "Y-Yeah? Of course I do..."  
"Good," Soonyoung smiles. "Just wanted to make sure," moving down to kiss and suck at Jihoon's inner thighs, teasingly near his balls.

Jihoon grips at the bedsheets, letting out a small groan, his legs automatically spreading apart. Soonyoung was going to be the literal death of him.

"This is definitely going to feel very weird, especially the first time, but I'll need you to take it. It's not like you have any other option," he chuckles.

"Okay," Jihoon nods, gulping, even though he knows what Soonyoung's about to do. "Go ahead."

Soonyoung pops open the bottle of lube, taking a nice amount to coat his fingers. He then takes his index finger, circling Jihoon's opening. Jihoon squirms, urging himself to relax.

Soonyoung slowly enters in one finger into the tight hole. The other boy tenses, preventing a whimper from coming out his mouth.

"You okay?" Soonyoung asks, his finger halfway in.

Jihoon nods, so Soonyoung nods too, further intruding. "Just breathe."  
"Y-Yeah," Jihoon manages to say. "Sorry. This is just overwhelming."  
Soonyoung laughs, not at him, but just because he figures he should laugh. "You're doing well, though."  
"Thanks?" Jihoon replies, but immediately hisses when he feels Soonyoung's finger slowly pulling out, only to go back in again.

Soonyoung takes his free hand to rest on Jihoon's thigh, reassuringly rubbing there, but Jihoon thinks it doesn't help, only making him feel more fucked. He doesn't say anything, though, letting Soonyoung do his thing, and before Jihoon realizes it, Soonyoung is already slipping his finger in and out without much discomfort.

"Alright. I'm adding another one in, okay?"  
Jihoon nods, soon feeling the slick fingers stretch him, and he exhales deeply. "You aren't bad at this."  
"Is that a compliment?"  
"I g-guess...?"  
"Okay," Soonyoung chuckles. "You still good?"  
"Yeah... I think I'm getting used to it..."  
"That's good," he says, focused on making his digits move a little faster. He mentally pats himself on the back when Jihoon mewls, seeming to feel the pleasure.

Soon they're on three, and Jihoon is on his fours because it offers a 'better angle,' and the taller boy is basically scissoring him at this point, so Jihoon is all good, liking it when Soonyoung's fingers reach a few spots that make him spill curses and lewd sounds.

"You should be good to go," Soonyoung tells him, pulling his digits out, laying Jihoon on his back again. He hovers over him, taking his lips into a kiss, slipping his tongue in, the faint alcohol from earlier still lingering.

Jihoon feels his heart beat out of his chest when Soonyoung stands up to discard the clothing he has left, gulping when he looks at the outline of his crotch area.

"It's not polite to stare, Hoonie," Soonyoung teases, running a hand through his own hair, and Jihoon tears his eyes away from Soonyoung's chest. (He also pretends to not notice faint traces of bruises on his nice skin. Jihoon hopes it wasn't from his ex-boyfriend. He's going to throw hands.)

They're both completely naked, and there's no turning back now, Jihoon thinks. Soonyoung puts on the condom, wiping the excess stickiness of his fingers on his own cock, before kissing Jihoon briefly, as he's on top of him, asking one more time. "You're allowing me to do this?"

Jihoon thinks that it's funny how he expected Soonyoung to be rough, and maybe he really was going to be, but because it's Jihoon's first, it's gone all soft and Jihoon can't _feelings_. Is he still drunk? Is Soonyoung still drunk? Are they actually both in their right, sober minds right now?He doesn't even know.

"Yes, I am," Jihoon says, finding himself goofily smiling, and Soonyoung adjusts his position.

The head of Soonyoung's cock pokes against Jihoon's entrance, and Jihoon holds his breath. The silver-haired boy pushes in, letting out a groan, burying his head in the other's shoulder.

"Oh— shit," Jihoon curses, throwing his head back, his fists bundling up the sheets as he adjusts to the foreign sensation.

"Ah," Soonyoung exhales, bringing his head up to look at Jihoon. "How are you feeling?"  
"C-Could be better," Jihoon chokes out, his face hot. "I don't think your dick will fit in all the way through."  
Soonyoung chuckles, still sinking himself in. "Just wait to get used to it."

Jihoon nods, concentrating on the feeling of himself taking in Soonyoung into his tight heat so well. "Kiss me," he commands.

Soonyoung pulls out until only the head is in, and then slowly thrusts back inside completely, moaning into Jihoon's mouth when he kisses him. "Fucking perfect," he mumbles, running his hands through the dirty blond hair. "You're driving me crazy, Lee."  
"T-That's my specialty, Kwon," the smaller boy replies. He kisses Soonyoung's neck, biting at it to keep himself from grunting, as he digs his fingernails into Soonyoung's back, the feeling of the said boy filling him up making his breathing erratic.

"Fuck, Soonyoung," Jihoon whines, his mouth ajar. "I feel like I'm taking a shit backwards."  
Soonyoung chuckles, while caressing his cheek. "I get that," he mumbles. "It'll feel better, though, trust me."

"I want to go faster. Can I please go faster?"  
Jihoon heaves a breath. "Sure."  
"Really sure?" Soonyoung asks. "You aren't feeling pain?"  
"The sting is nearly gone. It feels good now," he admits shyly.

Soonyoung picks up his pace, holding Jihoon's legs by his side for a better angle. He goes in and out a few more times, before experimentally ramming inside Jihoon deeply and suddenly, making them both produce sounds of pleasure.

"F-Fuck, Soonyoung, you moan louder than me," Jihoon cries.

"Sorry," he pants, "You just feel fucking amazing."  
"Oh my god," Jihoon lets out, when Soonyoung wraps his hand around his member. "Don't do that," he scolds, swatting away the hand. "You'll make me come too quickly."  
"Yes, sir," Soonyoung jokingly calls him, continuing to move his hips to meet Jihoon's.

Jihoon soon feels heat rise up inside of him after Soonyoung hits his prostate around the first time, and he nearly comes the second time, tears welling up in his eyes at the stimulation.

"Hah," Soonyoung gasps, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "I'm so close, Hoonie."  
"M-Me too, but, I... want to try something."

He makes Soonyoung pull out (much to both of their disliking), but gets on his hands and knees, giving Soonyoung a perfect view and angle of his ass, like when he prepped him earlier. Jihoon's dick throbs when Soonyoung runs his hands down his back and to squeeze his ass, smacking it before pounding into Jihoon without warning.

Jihoon makes a low, guttural sound, his knees already feeling like jelly.

"Ah, hah," the other boy grunts. "It's a nice position, but I like seeing your face, baby."  
"You want to switch back?"  
"No! This is nice. I'm already close anyway," Soonyoung says, thrusting in deeper, skin slapping against skin.

"Moan for me, baby. Wanna hear you," Soonyoung tells him, before smacking his ass and caressing his thighs.

Jihoon does as told, and Soonyoung is deep enough inside of him to bend over and place kisses on his hips and his waist.

"Haah, S-Soonyoung-ah, fuck," Jihoon blabbers, his voice pitchy. "You're bringing me so close— ah, right t-there!"  
"Come, Jihoon," he cries, slamming further inside again.

Jihoon's release spills on the sheets, and he moans his partner's name— the loudest he has that night. His knees are almost giving way, but Soonyoung still holds him up to stay still, as he fucks him mercilessly, chasing his high.

Soonyoung focuses on Jihoon's hole tightening around him, sucking him in, along with the sound of Jihoon's heavy breathing, the way he previously cried out his name, and his little whimpers in between begging Soonyoung to "just fucking come," because of the oversensitivity.

His hips stutter, and he comes hard while cursing and saying Jihoon's name in between ragged breaths.

"Holy _fuck_ ," Jihoon finally says when Soonyoung stills, regaining his breath. "I— you—"  
"—T-That was... amazing..."  
Jihoon laughs. "Amazing? Seriously? Are you sure I'm the virgin here?"  
"Hey!" Soonyoung pouts. "I don't have any other word to describe it," he says, his hand unconsciously rubbing from Jihoon's hips to his ass. "It's just been so long since I fucked someone else. I take it that I made you feel good?" Soonyoung teases, his lips curled up.

"Y-Yeah, I guess," Jihoon chokes out. "I'm kind of glad my first wasn't disastrous," he admits. "Now will you please fucking pull out of me, your heavy dick still literally pulsating in there is kind of distracting."

Soonyoung chuckles, before doing so, and Jihoon groans at the weird emptiness. The other boy disposes of the used condom, also finding tissues somewhere, cleaning up anything before lying down with Jihoon.

Their shoulders press warm against each other, and they've both recovered from their orgasmic highs. Jihoon speaks up, "...So, is this the part where you're supposed to leave, or am I supposed to ask you to stay the night?"  
Soonyoung breaks into laughter after he hears that. Jihoon pouts. "What? What's so funny, Kwon?"  
"Nothing," Soonyoung looks at him, smiling dumbly. "You're just adorable. You can make me do whichever, you know."  
"Oh," Jihoon mumbles, feeling his cheeks turn warm. How many times has his cheeks warmed up this night, seriously? "Then... you can take half the bed and stay, I guess."  
"Okay," the other boy says, moving to lay on his side, smiling contentedly as he rests his head on Jihoon's shoulder. "That's nice."  
"Okay. My boy pussy is sore, for your information."  
Soonyoung cracks up again. "Not my fault you're so fuckable."  
"Stop saying that stuff," Jihoon chides, even though he has a small smile on his face, as he moves on his side so that his back is facing Soonyoung. "You're all mouth when drunk. In bed you are, and you still are sober."  
"Sorry. Can't help it," he replies, shifting closer again towards Jihoon, taking his right hand to rest on Jihoon's waist, and the other to brush through his hair.

"Mm. I'm sleepy. Stop talking."  
"Okay," Soonyoung giggles. "Good night."  
"Night."

Soonyoung would definitely spoon Jihoon at this very moment, but since they're still both very naked and very tired to put clothes back on, Soonyoung settles with his hand on Jihoon's waist, other hand in his hair, leaving a kiss on his shoulder, before closing his eyes.

Soonyoung is not like this. He is never like this. This specific type of hook-ups, to be exact.

Minus the fact that he's been in a relationship for the past few months, Soonyoung doesn't fuck (or get fucked by) people he's previously known. Not friends. Not ex-boyfriends. Not even classmates, even though he might have let a few slip.

And definitely not people he disliked.

But here he was, in Jihoon's bed, their calm breathing being the only thing that can be heard. Soonyoung snuggles the blanket further over their bodies.

 

* * *

 

Things might have been going a bit too well during that night Jihoon and Soonyoung shared,

Too well that they both forgot it was a Sunday, and that the next day was Monday.

Students had to attend 9AM assemblies on Mondays, because _who the fuck takes an early morning class on Mondays_ , so they force students to get up early. Missing it would take away points from your first class. Arriving late and being held back by the closed gate would be the same, too. It's kind of ruthless.

So basically, fucking great for the two of them who just woke up at eight-something.

Jihoon would normally be on his way to campus by now, and Soonyoung would already be there, because he likes being early, already practicing in the practice room.

But today's Monday was, of course, different.

Soonyoung takes in the first thing he sees when he wakes up— someone's dirty blond head of hair resting against his chest.

And his stomach flips. He's startled, suddenly rolling away, only to find out that the bed is, in fact, _not_ endless. He nearly falls off the edge.

Soonyoung recalls last night's events, and _holy crap this is so not happening_ , he panics in his head, and _holy crap I am so not supposed to get a boner from this fuck_.

He quickly scrambles up to his feet, locating his clothes across the floor. He finds his phone, opening it to see the date. Monday. 8:24. Holy hell.

Soonyoung gets up, and he hears the figure on the bed shuffle. The sunlight shines on the boy, the blanket riding up as he moves over to stretch. Soonyoung feels himself blush when Jihoon's hickey-covered neck and collarbones peek out.

Jihoon slowly opens his eyes, and Soonyoung realizes he's still watching him. Jihoon shrieks upon seeing him, and Soonyoung realizes he's still butt naked. Fuck.

"Jesus!" Jihoon shouts, pulling up the covers to his eyes. "You— what are you fucking doing?!"  
"D-Dressing up! But you decided to wake up!"  
"Fucking hell," Jihoon sighs. "I— this is so weird."  
"Stop thinking about how weird it is. Think about how today is Monday, genius. Get up, Lee. It's nearly 9. We're gonna be fucking late."  
"Finish dressing up first! God."  
"I'm not gonna look! You've seen me, I've seen you, fuck's sake," Soonyoung responds.

Jihoon gets up, blanket draped around his tiny frame. He goes to his closet to take out new clothes. "...You're still gonna use your clothes from last night?"  
"Uh," Soonyoung starts, as he's putting on his jeans, unsure of what this is supposed to imply. "Yeah? I guess. Do I look like I bring clothes with me?"  
Jihoon snorts. "I mean— you can— I can let you borrow."  
"But you're tiny!"  
Jihoon flushes. "I have big clothes, too."  
"...You can borrow me a shirt."  
After a while, Jihoon takes out a graphic tee. "This okay?"  
"It's great... Thanks, I guess," Soonyoung awkwardly replies.

Soonyoung wants to ask Jihoon if he can use the shower, because he actually only takes three minutes in there (...maybe five, his hard-on says), but he doesn't really want to shower without changing his underwear, so he's already asking for too much if he asks to borrow Jihoon's underwear too. He decides against it, asking to use Jihoon's mouthwash instead, after he vomits a bit. He's surprised that neither of them choked and died in their sleep.

While Soonyoung is in the bathroom, Jihoon freaks out in his room. Once he's completely clothed, he jumps around— a mixture of giddiness, anxiety, and disbelief, basically. He looks in the mirror, slapping his face and fixing his hair, his heart beating so loudly it kind of hurts when he observes the trail of love bites around his neck like a fucking necklace. He scrambles back to change to a turtleneck.

Jihoon, after calming down, remembers putting his phone on mute last night, so he opens his phone, to see messages from Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and Joshua. Oh. The trio. He's so fucked.

 **[coups hyung]**  
you WHAT

?!?!?!?

HOLY SHIT

you better not be joking me Lee Jihoon

you better come to campus late tomorrow

and complain to me about how ur asshole hurts

suddenly i am much less wasted

i told you going to thiz party would be a gr8 idea

everyone gets laid at their parties idek why ,,they probably drug thw drinks there

this is gold

tell me about him tmrw i know youre leaving me on mute

whats his name

is he single (tell me he is omg not that ur just a one time thing)

how big is his dicc

how wide did he stretch your virgin hole

;)))

u owe me a new pack of condoms and a new bottle of lub ok

*lube

keep those to urself filthy ass bih

u have a good night Hoon :)))  
**[sent 12:55 AM]**

 **[coups hyung]**  
DID YOU SERIOUSLY GET LAID JIHOON

oh my god

i cant . believ it

IT'S 8AM FUCKING GET UP YA GONNA BE LATE AND I'LL GIVE U AN ASS WHOOPING

dont tell me ur gonna stay in bed with him bc youve fallen in love or somethign

dont give me that, Ji.  
**[sent 8:11 AM]**

Jihoon blushes at the very aggressive Seungcheol's implications. He opens Jeonghan's next.

 **[jeonghannie hyung~~~]**  
LEE JIHOON

MY CHILD

AM I HEARING RIGHT

CHEOL IS BLABBERING SOME SHIT ABOUT YOU TAkin G HOME SOME BOY

i am

Scandalized™

cheol and i were supposed to praise shua 2nite but now we are very distracted

ANYWAY u better let me in on the juicy details tomorrow ( ͡° ͜ʖ͡°)

heheheh enjoy the night with ur boy toy hoonie <333  
**[sent 12:57 AM]**

 _Boy toy_ , Jihoon repeats, his face furiously heating up. Now he'll have to let Jeonghan in too. He opens Joshua's lastly, figuring his will be calm, because Joshua is pretty much calm.

**[shua hyungie]**

jihoon

as happy as i am for u getting laid cheollie and hannie r now asleep so I'M the one who doesnt get laid

:(((

**[sent 1:38 AM]**

Jihoon bursts into laughter, but he decides not to leave any of their messages replied to. He turns around to actually get out of his room to go to campus (more like run over there), seeing as he's wasted about five minutes reading the texts, but nearly has a heart attack when he almost bumps into Soonyoung.

"Fuck, Kwon," Jihoon swears. "You surprised me. I thought you left."  
"What'cha been smilin' about back there?"  
"...I-It's nothing," Jihoon coughs. "I'm going to, uh, go to campus, you know."  
"I know. We're going the same way, so I figured I should go with."  
"But I'm going to run there. Can't afford to be late. Both literally and figuratively."  
Soonyoung chuckles. "Then I'll run with you."

So they do.

Running takes them seven minutes-ish, and they're there by 8:49. Not so bad, huh.

There's still an air of awkwardness surrounding them, and they awkwardly go their own ways once arriving to campus, awkardly bowing to each other. It's very awkward, if you cannot tell.

Jihoon's gaze follows Soonyoung's back, watching him get dragged away by Seungkwan, Jihoon recognizes, a brown-haired and chubby cheeked freshman that was great at singing.

It's not long until he's grabbed into the main hall, too, and his face is immediately scrunched up by two hands belonging to none other than Choi Seungcheol.

"What are you fucking doing," the smaller boy deadpans.

"Who are you? Are you still Lee Jihoon?" Seungcheol asks, inspecting Jihoon's face, turning it from left to right.

"Hyung," Jihoon rolls his eyes. "I'm fine," he says, removing Seungcheol's hands. "Calm down."  
The latter smiles mischievously. "So? Any explanation as to why you almost arrived late? I was waiting for you, stupid. I'm surprised you came in right after Kwon Soonyoung, who is always early, what the fuck, more surprised you didn't purposely bump into or trip him on the spot, considering how you're supposed to hate his guts. What's gotten into you? How'd last night go?" he says, wiggling his brows suggestively.

Jihoon trembles at the mention of Soonyoung's name. Fuck. Were they that noticeable?

"Look. Uh," Jihoon starts. "Can we go over to your boyfriends first? I don't think I can tell this story twice."

Seungcheol obliges, telling him to do that after the assembly. Seungcheol separates from him, going to the fourth-years' area, and Jihoon begrudgingly has to gather with his fellow third-years. He tries his hardest not to notice Soonyoung, so he just smiles and greets a good morning to Junhui, and his boyfriend, Wonwoo.

He quickly goes to find Seungcheol again afterwards, and he brings them to the music room.

"Alright," Jihoon sighs, the three older boys facing him.

Seungcheol tells him to just stop being weird and get on with it, Jeonghan shushes Seungcheol and tells Jihoon to take his time, and Joshua just waits quietly, head resting on Seungcheol's shoulder. "Um, here's the thing. Wooh," he breathes in, pinching the bridge of his nose as he feels a familiar hangover headache.

"Okay. I may or may have not made the biggest mistake last night," he pauses, for reaction. Three pairs of eyes urge him on. "Okay. Cheol-hyung, as you were saying earlier— I came in with Kwon Soonyoung this morning even though I'm supposed to hate his guts, yadda yadda— but, the thing is... we fucked last night."

"Holy fuck," Seungcheol says. "You— you and him? Oh my god?!" Joshua and Jeonghan break out into a synchronized cheer.

Jihoon covers his face in embarrassment. "I can't believe myself either."  
"So, like, what?" Jeonghan inquires. "You two an item or anything?"  
"I—" Jihoon pauses. That's one hell of a question. "...Is being enemies with benefits a thing?"  
They crack up laughing. "Listen, Jihoon," Seungcheol starts. "You're Jeongcheolsoo's baby—"  
"—Jihancheol," Joshua corrects.

"I'm not anyone's baby." Jihoon sighs.  
"Anyway, you're our friend, Jihoon. Tell us how last night went."  
He gulps. "...We— we got drunk, okay? It was— it was kind of stupid. We talked— I don't even remember what about— but he told me I wasn't 'that bad,' and I told him I found him attractive and he was acting so intimate and then I said that I was gay and that I wanted to kiss him so he fucking did—"  
"—Oh, my god," Jeonghan gasps. "Slow down. This is too good."  
Jihoon facepalms, continuing. "A-And, I don't know, one thing led to another and he kept saying... dirty things to me," his face flushes. "And then, like, I brought him to my place and he couldn't keep his hands off me and then I found Cheol-hyung's... you know," he pauses, feeling light-headed. "Things went rather... _explicit_ , after that."

The silence is broken by Joshua clapping, and his boyfriends do the same. They'll never let Jihoon live this down. Ever.

"Was he any good?" Jeonghan asks. "In bed, I mean, of course."  
Jihoon's cheeks heat up. "W-W-Why are you asking me t-that? How could you ask me that? You know well that I can't say anything because... _because_..."  
"Because he's your first?" Joshua finishes.

"S-Shut up! I don't like putting it that way."  
"Okay, okay, we'll let you pass that," Seungcheol dismisses. "Did he do well though? Please tell me he did, for the love of god, I trust you enough not to sleep with a loser who can't make you come—"  
"—He did, okay! You guys talk about this so openly. Stop it. You're invading my privacy."  
"We'll stop! Come here first," Jeonghan gestures. Jihoon does as told. Jeonghan reaches up toward him, his hand suddenly touching his neck, as he pulls down the clothing covering it swiftly.

The three of them break into loud hoots upon finding the purplish blue and red hickeys decorated around there. Jihoon kicks them out, regretting his choices.

It's not like he can do anything about it anymore, right?

Yeah, right. Looks like he'll have to avoid Soonyoung for the next few... he doesn't even know when.

But hopefully it's enough for Jihoon not to change the way he sees him. He decides that he can't, won't, _shouldn't_ look at Soonyoung differently. It'll turn out awkward. Jihoon would rather stay ignoring him.

Maybe they're really just meant to be a one-time thing.

Come English period at 2PM he shares with Soonyoung, it's fine at first.

The professor raises an eyebrow at how civil they're acting toward each other, because she'd normally catch them glaring at each other or something, coughing to get their attention.

It doesn't happen today, though, so the teacher keeps an eye on them strangely more than often.

Jihoon sits in the third row, and Soonyoung is in the fourth, behind him. The professor hands out papers to pass backwards.

Jihoon has, so far, done a great job at avoiding any type of contact with Soonyoung since this morning's assembly. Okay. How hard can passing paper be?

 _Kinda hard_ , because Soonyoung is dozing off on his fucking desk when Jihoon turns around.

"Psst," he starts.

" _Psst_ ," Jihoon repeats, louder.

"Shut up," Soonyoung mumbles in a muffled voice.

"No, fucking get up."  
"..."  
Jihoon rolls his eyes. "Kw— _Soonyoung_."

The latter looks up at him, taking the paper curtly. Jihoon mentally curses himself for being so polite. He should have figured that Soonyoung would act the same, right?

Right. Jihoon may or may not be thinking a bit too much about last night.

That's acceptable. He figured Soonyoung was that kind of fuck-and-forget person anyway. Jihoon thinks it's insensitive of Soonyoung to act cold towards him, considering he robbed Jihoon of his fucking virginity, literally wow, would it be so selfish of Jihoon to ask for some well-mannered reciprocation?

But he just shakes his head, ignoring how tough his heart was beating. It's not something he wants to get stressed about, anyway. Exams are nearing, and Jihoon knows better than to stare at Soonyoung and his dance major body and the way he smiles with his friends in the hallways.

Jihoon _claims_ to know better than that, he really does— he's supposed to stare at textbooks and his laptop and the blank cream of his bedroom walls— studying, essentially.

Studying, essentially, even if Kwon Soonyoung is the biggest distraction.

 

* * *

 

 ** _Three months earlier, one week after_**.

Exams end just like that, and Jihoon's brain is surprisingly still intact enough for him to keep making music.

He's about to lock up the music room one night, already a few steps until he's out campus, when some guy (whose face is obscured by a cap)'s hand drags him into the practice room Soonyoung usually occupies. Owner of said hand has him against the wall, and the familiar size difference suddenly sinks in when the figure leans into him. Jihoon feels like his soul is going to leave him, like he's going to fall through the floor, if he doesn't keep standing upright.

But when the taller boy adjusts his cap to reveal his face, Jihoon confirms that it really was _him_ , and Jihoon decides that he is so, _majorly_ , fucked.

Soonyoung kisses him— something still very new to Jihoon— and, as if seeming to notice how the thumping of Jihoon's heart is making his legs weak too, Soonyoung lifts him up from under his thighs. Soonyoung wraps the smaller boy's legs around his waist, pinning him firmly against the wall, in a passionate kiss.

"Oh, fuck," Soonyoung whispers, in between their mouths. "You don't know how much I've missed you, Jihoon-ah," he says huskily, before gently biting Jihoon's lips, releasing it with a pop.

Jihoon's chest is heaving, and he takes off Soonyoung's cap, running his hands through the (now dyed a natural black, Jihoon likes it,) hair, kissing him just as fervently.

"T-Tell me how much, then, Soonyoung-ssi," he breathes out.

"Can't tell you, Lee," he says into Jihoon's ear. "Would rather just show you."

Soonyoung's hips push against his, their areas meeting, and Jihoon is unable to stifle back his moan.

Soonyoung kisses his jawline, before saying, "You're loud this time, Lee. Ironically, we're in public right now. You like people hearing you getting fucked?"  
"F-Fuck off, Kwon," Jihoon manages to choke out, watching their reflection through the mirror behind them. "Can't your mouth do anything but utter such _arrogance_?"  
"Of course it can," he teases. "Take your pick, baby. I can suck you off. I can blow your hole. I can just stick my tongue in your mouth all night, if that's what you're looking for."  
Jihoon shudders at the suggestions, getting more aroused. "Y-You took me here tonight, though," he exhales. "I think you're asking for something... I can taste you, if you'd like."  
"What, you know how to?"  
"Just because I just had sex for the first time last week doesn't mean I've never sucked dick, Kwon," Jihoon deadpans, flailing his legs that were still held up by Soonyoung. The latter lets go, and Jihoon stands back up to push Soonyoung to sit on a chair.

Jihoon gets on his knees, face in between Soonyoung's legs. He chuckles, because Soonyoung is wearing sweatpants, and the outline of his erection is painfully visible. Jihoon feels his own blood rush not only to his face, but also down south. He traces his finger from Soonyoung's inner thigh to his half-hard member, giving it some light palming. The taller boy tenses above him, holding his breath.

"Okay," Jihoon says, reaching up towards the band of Soonyoung's sweatpants. He pulls it down to pool at his ankles, leaving Soonyoung in his boxers. Jihoon straightens up, leaning down to kiss his left inner thigh, his hand spreading the right one further away. He sucks on the soft skin, making sure to leave a mark, feeling Soonyoung's hands grip at the sides of the chair harshly.

"You can tug on my hair, you know," Jihoon states, before kissing Soonyoung's clothed cock, looking up at him. The other boy's breath hitches, hands flying up to Jihoon's hair. Jihoon pulls the last article of clothing down, and Soonyoung's length stands up proud and erect in front of his face. Jihoon swallows dryly, staring at its throbbing veins, how there's the bit of pubic hair around, how it's fucking _leaking_ for him.

"You're bigger than I remembered," Jihoon tells him nonchalantly, before going to lick a long, teasing stripe from the bottom, around the side, up to the head. Soonyoung's hands pull at the roots of Jihoon's hair, hissing as his mouth spills a curse or two, and Soonyoung swears that Jihoon just fucking _purred_.

"I'm going to take it in now," the smaller boy says, hand wrapped around Soonyoung's hard cock, looking up at him with the most innocent gaze he can muster. Needless to say, it works everytime, because Soonyoung's hips stutter forward, and he grunts out a "Fuck, yes, fucking take it, Jihoon."

Jihoon opens his mouth, adjusting his posture so that he can suck Soonyoung off with ease, and lowers his lips down, taking in only half at first. He pulls up immediately, though, pouting.

"W-W-What?" Soonyoung breathes out, frustrated. "Why'd you stop?"  
"I don't like this position," he pouts further. "Can't see you. I wanna see you."  
"Fuck, stop talking like that," Soonyoung breathes in. "I'll stand up, then."  
Jihoon feels a smile curl on his lips when Soonyoung stands up, almost tripping. He kneels up to level at Soonyoung's crotch, looking up at him. "Perfect," Jihoon mutters.

Jihoon sinks his mouth into the length, taking it slowly as to not gag. Soonyoung's grip on his hair tightens, hand gently pushing his head down further forward, until his nose is brushing against the pubic hair.

Once Jihoon adjusts to the sensation of Soonyoung inside his mouth, and he can breathe properly through his nose, he moves.

He bobs his head up and down slowly, occasionally pausing to give small, kitty-like licks, earning him loud groans from the taller boy who urges him on. Jihoon gives the head a rather noisy suck, running his tongue over the leaking slit, all the while looking up at Soonyoung, and the latter fucking _whines_ in a pitchy voice.

"Holy fucking shit," Soonyoung growls, looking back down at Jihoon, looking at the two of them through the mirrors all around the walls. "You don't understand how fucking beautiful you look like this," he exhales.

From his view, he can only focus on the smaller boy. Jihoon's dirty blond hair is all mussed, and Soonyoung's two hands are bundled in it. His cheeks are hollowed around Soonyoung, and there's a little saliva around his pink lips. Smooth and clear complexion tinted scarlet, slightly starting to sweat too— Soonyoung thinks that Jihoon looks absolutely _delectable_ like this, on his knees all for him.

"L-Lee Jihoon— you— how t-the _fuck_ can someone _not_ want to fuck you after you've given them— ohhh my god, keep doing that— head _this_ good?" Soonyoung shakily manages out.

"Don't know," the former says against Soonyoung's cock, knowing the vibrations will send extra reaction. He watches as Soonyoung's eyes do roll back, and he chuckles, after releasing it from his mouth sloppily. "I guess they don't like having sex with inexperienced virgins who get cold feet," Jihoon says, half-serious and half-joking, before going to leave kisses on Soonyoung's thighs.

"D-Does that actually happen or is that what happens in a nutshell?" Soonyoung asks, genuinely concerned and confused.

Jihoon stops the kisses, to mumble, "Both, I guess."  
"Well, in that case," Soonyoung says, pushing away Jihoon to see him clearly. "It makes me the first one to fuck you before experiencing the head," he states, and then leans down. "And also the first one to fuck you _after_ it."

Soonyoung kicks off his clothing still at his ankles, before pushing Jihoon down on his back against the smooth wooden floor of the practice room, immediately ridding him of his shirt.

"What'd'ya eat for dinner?" Soonyoung asks.

"Nothing yet, other than your dick," Jihoon replies.  
Soonyoung laughs. "Touché," he says, before leaning down to kiss Jihoon's neck, then down the collarbones to lick his right nipple, all the while as his hands work open the bottle of lubricant he'd been hiding in his jacket pocket, above Jihoon's head.

The latter moans quietly, as Soonyoung continues going down, lips never leaving every patch of skin he passes. He peels off Jihoon's pants along with his underwear, before taking off his own jacket. Jihoon writhes beneath him, hissing at the exposure, and his eyes are shut tight as he pants heavily.

Soonyoung takes this as his chance, so he spreads him out, inserting his coated index finger inside his hole without any type of heads-up beforehand whatsoever.

"Ah! A-Ah— S-Soon— fuck, Soonyoung," Jihoon swears, from under his hand he's cupped above his mouth. "I-I'm going to fucking _die_ if you do that again."  
Soonyoung giggles, and Jihoon thinks it's very mocking considering the situation they're in— reminding him of the same thing that happened during their first night together. "Sorry. I just wanted to see your reaction," he says, pumping his digit in and out, before adding in another.

Soonyoung leaves marks on Jihoon's thighs as well, his other hand not working Jihoon working his cock. It leaves Jihoon gasping for air, needless to say, because he's trying his best to stifle the sounds wanting to come out from his throat.

"Stop holding back, baby," Soonyoung tells him. "Letting your partner hear you is topmost etiquette," he smirks.

"J-Just so you know, Kwon, we aren't alone in this building, and the last thing I want is someone walking in on us even if you say you locked the door."  
Soonyoung pumps in three fingers quickly, getting restless, but Jihoon gives him only soft whimpers in return. "Be patient, Soonyoung. What if somebody hears us?"  
"Then let them hear us," Soonyoung smirks. "It's not like they don't have the choice not to."  
"You have a point, yeah, but—" Jihoon continues, only to be cut off by Soonyoung planting a long, deep kiss on his lips.

"—But what?" Soonyoung asks down at him after they separate.

"...But nothing," Jihoon says, looking away, the furious blush on his face increasing.

"That's what I thought," he smiles, before abruptly carrying Jihoon by the waist.

Soonyoung sits on the chair from earlier, and Jihoon feels his own member fucking _twitch_ at the implications of the position, when he's settled in Soonyoung's lap, facing him.

"I want you to ride me," Soonyoung says lowly, biting at the juncture between Jihoon's neck and shoulder. "Can you do that?"  
Jihoon feels his mouth go dry, nevertheless he's willing to do it. "A-Alright."  
He takes in deep breaths, preparing himself, before a question crosses his mind. "Um..."  
"What is it?"  
"What if I don't know how to do that?" Jihoon asks hesitantly, biting his lips.

Soonyoung chuckles, ruffling his hair. "That's okay. I'll guide you," he reassures, kissing his forehead sweetly. "You seem like a fast learner."  
"But! What if we break the chair?"  
And Soonyoung laughs again. "Don't worry about that. I'll take care of it— make an excuse or something."  
"Okay," Jihoon exhales. He breathes in, then out, before raising himself up. Soonyoung aligns his member with Jihoon's opening, and the latter sinks down carefully, the feeling different to him.

"Oof," Jihoon lets out, stiffening at the intrusion he's, of course, still not used to. His hands firmly grip Soonyoung's back, his erratic breathing hitting Soonyoung's neck as he leans into him, their chests flush against each other.

"You good?"  
"G-Good," Jihoon nods. "Just— just need a little time until I move."  
Soonyoung nods back, his hands soothingly rubbing at his sides, and Jihoon squirms. "Stop! It's tickling me," he admits, and Soonyoung smiles sheepishly.

Jihoon finds the chair too small for them both, so he flails his legs around. Soonyoung seems to get the signal, so he holds Jihoon's legs in place. Jihoon lifts himself off, then down again, burying Soonyoung back inside. The latter throws his head back, sighing.

The raw feeling of Soonyoung inside him is different from before, and Jihoon thinks that he feels more sensitive like this, like Soonyoung has too much control over him, like he'll come solely from watching Soonyoung's bare member disappear into and reappear from inside of him. Jihoon feels like he won't last that long this time.

Jihoon doesn't realize he's thinking of this for the second time, but he thinks that he and Soonyoung look... _nice_ together. He wonders how they probably look right now to a bypasser, or a voyeur. Jihoon tears his eyes away from Soonyoung to look at them both through the mirror on their right. A small boy on another boy, who isn't that much bigger than him, honestly, just taller. Two heads of messy hair— black and dirty blond. Rosy skin on rosy skin, naked bodies completely in contact with each other. They probably look like a porn-worthy pair.

Jihoon tips Soonyoung's chin towards him, connecting their lips, and Jihoon thinks it's nice when they kiss. He likes how soft Soonyoung's lips are as if he reapplies lip balm every thirty minutes— maybe he does— and how his excitement is let out through his kisses, and how he slightly pouts when they part with Jihoon's.

Soonyoung helps Jihoon now when he lifts himself up to fuck Soonyoung— he places one hand to support Jihoon's leg, the other to hoist him up by the waist. Jihoon thinks it's nice too when Soonyoung touches him, because Soonyoung's hands are a little rough, and his touches always linger, and they make sure not to hurt Jihoon no matter how firm his grip is.

Jihoon's trail of thoughts about him and Soonyoung are cut off when they hear a knock on the door.

"Fuck," Jihoon whispers, covering Soonyoung's mouth. Soonyoung shakes his head, teasingly wiggling his hips, with him still inside Jihoon. Jihoon huffs, telling him to stop.

"What did I tell you, Ji," Soonyoung whines, the knocking still continuing. "If we continue to fuck, they'll go away. So," he stops, lifting Jihoon up to sink into him, snapping his own hips up in sync, earning him a moan from Jihoon. He smirks.

"I-I fucking hate you, Kwon," Jihoon mutters, into Soonyoung's chest.

"Yeah. I hate me too. Now are you going to ride me or am I going to have to bang you against the mirrors?"  
"No, Jesus, I'll die if you do the second one," Jihoon states, proceeding to bounce up and down Soonyoung, increasing friction. Soonyoung meets his thrusts rhythmically, waiting for the right moments, and they groan in unison when they hit each others' spots just right.

"Soonyoung— ah— I'm going to fucking come," Jihoon breathes out. "Your hips are fucking _sin_ , you know, I think my asshole is going to rip."  
Soonyoung laughs raspily. "Don't even wish for it."  
Jihoon finds himself smiling too, but soon his expression changes, mouth widening as he pants like a dog when Soonyoung adjusts their pace impossibly faster, ramming in deeper.

His thighs are starting to feel sore and his legs are tired, but he lets Soonyoung biting at and moaning into his neck distract him, still going along with his speed.

Jihoon thinks that he and Soonyoung are interesting when they talk to each other. Usually, rather than talking, they're glaring at each other, short tempers snapping over the other, and their 'talking' is through raised voices and snarky remarks.

In the two occasions they had spent with themselves, though, Jihoon finds that Soonyoung is not hard to talk to. It's actually nice to talk to him.

He shoots Soonyoung a random question, while Soonyoung is focused on driving him to his climax (and it's definitely working, Jihoon thinks, but he has to ask this now). "S-Soonyoung. I have a question."  
"W-What?"  
"Why do you dislike me so much?" he asks, as if it were the most natural fact of the universe, as if it was appropriate in a situation where their hips are desperately rolling against each other.

"I— that's an interesting question."  
Jihoon slams down harder into him, crying out because _he's so close_ , before asking, "S-So do you know what your answer is?"  
"I don't think I can tell," he groans, resting his head on Jihoon's shoulder while penetrating him upwards.

"...I'll accept that for now," Jihoon mutters. "You ought to tell me one of these days, though."  
"Okay. I will."  
"Good— ah, you're going so fucking fast, I want to come so hard—"  
"—Then come," Soonyoung urges, tugging at Jihoon's hair, his hands traveling all the way down from his back and chest to his cock. Soonyoung jacks him off mercilessly, and that throws Jihoon off to his release, discharging in between their stomachs as he nearly screams out Soonyoung's name.

The smaller boy melts limply into Soonyoung's arms, heaving for air as he hides his hot face into the crook of Soonyoung's neck. Soonyoung comes just right after him, overwhelmed by Jihoon clenching around him. His seed shoots inside, and Jihoon groans at the now messy and sticky yet also pleasurable warmth inside of him, making his toes curl.

They regain their breaths, just staring at each other, both matted with sweat, and the taller boy pushes Jihoon up to pull out, but they stay seated on one chair.

There's something about how Soonyoung's eyes are kind of twinkling, and how his cheeks are squishy and pinchable and all pink up to his ears, and how there's a little smile threatening to plaster onto his face despite his tired expression— that strikes something in Jihoon. It sudden, Jihoon realizes, because he's looking at Soonyoung right now, and he thinks that he wants to kiss him.

Not just kiss him, in the way they always do— forcefully, or full of lust, or mixed with moans— no, but _softly_.

So he does. Jihoon's eyes flutter closed, and he leans down onto Soonyoung. The former presses his lips against the other boy's gently, only briefly, lingering for a few seconds before unlinking completely from him. Jihoon looks back at Soonyoung to see his eyes closed too, only opening to meet his a few seconds later.

Jihoon thinks that it's irrational, stupid, _controversial_ even, that his heart is beating so fast, and he feels so... _fuzzy_ all over. His mind is a wreck.

If it weren't wrecked, then Jihoon wouldn't be thinking that, out of all things— he's managed to fall in love with Kwon Sooonyoung in the course of one week, more or less.

Jihoon tells himself that one, _no, he can't be falling for him_ , two, _he's really not supposed to fall for Soonyoung just because he's stuck his dick inside him on two different occasions_ , and three, _they're supposed to dislike each other and give the stink eye or flip the finger, not see each other like this just because they're going to fuck. That's not how falling in love is supposed to work_.

But Jihoon's mouth is itching to say something— anything— about his thoughts. Even if it wasn't about love. He's just not too sure about that now. Can't be too sure.

He starts with "Hey, uh, listen—" but he speaks the same time with Soonyoung, who says "Actually, I think—"  
They both stop, and Jihoon looks away. "You go."  
"No, no, you go."  
" _You_ go first, Soonyoung."  
" _Jihoon_."  
"I'm serious. Mine isn't even that important, go ahead," Jihoon presses.

Soonyoung clears his throat. "What I was going to say is that I think I have to go now."  
Jihoon physically feels that, tensing as the words he had wanted to say had gotten stuck in his throat. "O-Oh. Yeah, sure," he chokes out, awkwardly standing up from his position, his back facing Soonyoung so that he can retrieve his clothes, his legs still slightly trembling.

"Okay. You were saying?"  
Jihoon gulps, debating over whether he should say what he was really supposed to, say something else and lie, or shake his head and say it was nothing. But he hears Soonyoung get up, feeling his presence grow nearer, and Soonyoung places a hand on his shoulder, turning him around.

"You know I've still yet to clean you up, silly," he chuckles, wiping off the sticky white from his stomach with a tissue. The action strikes something in Jihoon again, and he frowns, the whole thing feeling all too intimate. He grabs at Soonyoung's wrist, stopping him abruptly. The latter stops, staring him down, about to open his mouth to question it, but Jihoon replies with a "I was just going to ask you for some tissues," forcing a small smile on his face, and taking the tissues from him.

In a room full of mirrors, Jihoon would rather not look at himself. But right now, he does. Soonyoung is somewhere behind him, also getting himself cleaned and dressing up, but Jihoon doesn't look at him.

Jihoon stares at himself in the mirror, and he wonders what Soonyoung sees. Jihoon has fair skin, and it's smooth everywhere, a little more color flowing through it now than usual, though. He's skinny, and he's a little shorter than average, and it makes him look more like a kid, with his innocent, even called _cute_ features. In contrast to his youthful apperance, there's a few new hickeys around his neck, and his lips are swollen now, upon closer inspection, and there's somewhat the beginning of a bruise starting to form around his right thigh, which Jihoon assumes he had gotten from how tightly Soonyoung was gripping it earlier. He shudders when recalling the sensation, shaking his head, as he continues to clean himself up.

Jihoon finishes fixing himself, making sure he looks completely normal, as if he hadn't just grossly fucked someone on public school property (though the few bites on his neck can't be bothered to be hidden).

He's ready to take his leave, as cold and as harsh he can make it, even if he still walks a little wobbly. Soonyoung calls him, though, and he stops in his tracks.

"Jihoon," he calls. "I— um, was just wondering if you, uh, would like to— you know, catch your ride home with me?"  
Jihoon blinks, unsure if he should take it up. "No thank you, I'm fine," he replies curtly.

Jihoon pretends he doesn't notice Soonyoung's shoulders slightly fall. "Oh, but," he continues. "It's getting late. You'll get home sooner if you come with me. And it's really cold and dark out, you don't wanna be walking there alone..."  
He bites his lip. "...I guess— I guess it wouldn't hurt."  
Soonyoung smiles warmly at him. "Okay. Let's go."

The walk to Soonyoung's car is quiet (it's not really his, it's his sister's, apparently, so Jihoon learns he has an older sister). The ride back is uneventful, though Jihoon appreciates Soonyoung's rather futile attempts at making conversation over the music playing on the radio that Jihoon suddenly finds oh-so-interesting. Their farewells when they quickly reach Jihoon's complex is awkward, because Soonyoung smiles, so Jihoon forces himself to smile back, nodding at him for some fucking reason, and Soonyoung opens the door for him for some fucking reason, waving him goodbye and waiting for him to get inside before driving away again _for some fucking reason_.

Jihoon rubs his face as he walks up the flight of stairs, taking breaths when he realizes that Seungcheol said he'd be around by 6PM-ish.

It's just turned 8PM and Jihoon facepalms, because Seungcheol definitely will not let him pass through his own goddamn apartment without giving him the whole truth as to why he was out for so long.

When Jihoon reaches his door, unlocking it, he walks in to immediately find Seungcheol all curled up on his couch watching TV and eating some chips. "Jihoon!" he exclaims, pausing. "Got anything to tell me as to _why_ the _fuck_ were you out so long?"  
And Jihoon is half-terrified and half-amazed at how Seungcheol asks the exact phrase Jihoon expected him to. "Nothing," he says bluntly, although knowing well that he can't lie to Seungcheol for too long.

Seungcheol narrows his eyes at him. "Kay. Thanks for letting me crash here, by the way."  
Jihoon sits down beside him, taking out his phone. "You announced you'd come around while I was busy," Jihoon states. "I didn't exactly give you the right to get in. Even if you have the key."  
"Whatever. You hungry?"  
"Glad you fucking asked," Jihoon groans. "I'm starving."  
"Should I go order Chinese or something or are you sick of their food?"  
"I don't care," Jihoon says, hugging a pillow, his voice muffled due to his face buried in it. "Whatever's fine."  
"Okay," Seungcheol says, before dialing the Chinese place, and Jihoon gets up to excuse himself to the bathroom, mouthing "the usual" to Seungcheol, to which he nods to.

Jihoon faces himself in the mirror, letting the cold water flow down the sink faucet toward the drain, splashing his face with it afterwards. He shakes his head, burying his face in his hands, and wanting to scream. For some reason. But he doesn't.

He walks back out, debating on whether he should lock himself up in his room and sleep or work or study or something and just wait for the food to arrive, or watch TV with Seungcheol and eat the food him and have a ~~mostly~~ nice conversation.

But Seungcheol seems to sense this, pulling him back to the sofa immediately upon hearing him leave the bathroom.

"So? How was your day?"  
Jihoon's eyes don't leave the screen as he fidgets with his fingers. "...'Twas fine. I just locked myself up in the music room after class. I'm a little tired too, I guess."  
"Anything else?"  
"I—" Jihoon hesitates. "N-Not much, really."

Seungcheol decides to not acknowledge the fresh hickeys peeping out from behind Jihoon's sweater, and how he shrinked a little when he said "not much." He doesn't press on about it, figuring he can remember to bring it up for another time. It can wait.

 

* * *

 

It takes Jihoon roughly half a week to realize that his... _opinions_ (due to lack of better terms) on Soonyoung after their second one-time thing was, in fact, _not_ in the heat of the moment.

Seungcheol also realizes this when Jihoon calls him in the middle of the night cursing and whining to him, and it kind of went like:

"Shit, you know, I think I'm feeling something for Soonyoung."  
"You mean, like, _something_ as in something that isn't a boner?"  
"Hyung!"  
"What?"  
"N-Not _that_ , Jesus Christ."  
"Then _what_? If you aren't feeling something in your dick, then please don't fucking tell me you're feeling something in your chest, Jihoon.  
"...I'm afraid that _is_ what I'm trying to say, Cheol."  
"...Oh, _fuck_ , Jihoon. You're fucking screwed."  
"I fucking know."  
"You huge _baby_ , Jihoon."  
"I'm n-not a baby?!"  
"No, Jesus, I mean— you fuck him once and lose your anal virginity—"  
"—Twice, actually..."  
"Fucking _twice_ , does it even matter, and now you're coming to me telling me that you aren't just in for the sex because you've developed feelings?"  
"Shut the fuck up, I did not say anything about _feelings_."  
"But? You literally just said you _felt_ someth—"  
"—I just hate that term, can we please not fucking use it?"  
"Okay, feelings, not that, but— _how_ the fuck are you expecting this to turn out between the two of you when all you've really done is curse out and piss each other off when you're not fucking?"  
"I— I know it sounds silly. But he's— I don't know, maybe it's just me... He's kind of been nicer to me recently."  
"...Jihoon, in no way do I want to step on your thoughts about Soonyoung, but you might be reaching a little too far forward."  
"Okay. Cheol-hyung... I want to believe you, I _really_ do, but... please tell me it'll be alright if I continued this thing even for just a bit more. I just— I just want to try, you know..."  
"Alright... I'll let you go try."  
"Okay... Okay. Wish me luck?"  
"...Mm. Do your best, Hoon."

And so currently, three days after he and Jihoon's conversation, Seungcheol is watching Jihoon and Soonyoung talk strangely too nicely to each other at this table at this one campus lunch place. Jihoon told him that he and Soonyoung got paired up in English, and now they're working on something.

Usually, it's Seungcheol and Jihoon and Jeonghan and Joshua and sometimes maybe another friend or two together at this table when they have their common free lunch periods. Much to Seungcheol's distaste (he has literally not stopped pouting for the last thirty minutes), both his boyfriends are busy, and now he goes with Jihoon, who is, may he mention, very much occupied with Soonyoung.

The eldest of the three nearly snorts at how Jihoon takes every chance to discreetly (not discreet enough, if you ask Seungcheol) touch Soonyoung. He's done, what— placing his hand above Soonyoung's while they take turns in writing something because they've only one pen, scooting closer to Soonyoung until he's basically on his lap because he "can't see it that well," (Seungcheol nearly chokes on his food from stifling a laugh, Jihoon shoots him a death glare), and even as far as occasionally resting his head on Soonyoung's shoulder. It's ridiculous to see Jihoon like this, Seungcheol thinks, but he guesses that it's even more ridiculous that Soonyoung is not stopping him _at all_.

Seungcheol wonders how far they've really gone in bed together for them to be this comfortable like an actual couple. He quickly recalls how literally _fucked_ Jihoon looked yesterday morning, though— lips swelling from use, neck painted with lovebites the shades of blue, red, and purple, and the slight limp in his steps as he walked. Seungcheol seeing his best friend in that state was already endgame TMI. He's now starting to think that Jihoon gets laid more often than he himself does with two boyfriends, so he immediately regrets even wondering about what Jihoon and Soonyoung do.

Seungcheol's phone placed next to his nearly empty plate lights up, indicating a message.

 **[hannie ♡]**  
where are u!!! -shua

han and i are out for coffee n stuff

**[image attached]**

where is our bf so he can get his big ass over here

:<

 **[s choi <333]**  
my loves !!!

im so SORRY NXNXNSDkJ

im @ lunch with hoonie and ..his friend

as much as ur cheollie wants to be there i dont think he can

 **[hannie ♡]**  
why !! whats up :O

 **[s choi <333]**  
ji says he needs my help with something

he'll literally murder me if i leave him

so im so sorry :((( i'll make it up after class?

 **[hannie ♡]**  
sounds great to me :DD

hannie says yes although hes pouting a lil

**[image attached]**

we'll see u later!

 **[s choi <333]**  
yes shuji~

yes hannie~

i love the 2 of u

 **[hannie ♡]**  
we love you too ♡

Seungcheol looks up from his phone to Jihoon and Soonyoung looking at him from across the table. He doesn't realize he's been smiling so much.

"What's got ya so smiley, lover boy?"  
"None of your business, that is," Seungcheol says, playfully rolling his eyes.

He chomps down the rest of his food before deciding to stand up and announce he's going to just go to the restroom, but Soonyoung excuses himself first.

When Soonyoung goes, Jihoon nearly deflates in his seat. "Fuck, Cheol. What am I fucking doing?"  
"You tell me, Ji! Are you two really, _really_ like that around each other?"  
"Like what?" Jihoon asks quietly, head tilted to the side.

"Like you guys are a _thing_."  
"...But we _are_ a thing?"  
"No, you guys are a fling."  
Jihoon stops eating his food at that, and Seungcheol starts worrying if that was the wrong thing to say. "You're not wrong, I guess," he says.

"I _am_ gonna be wrong, though," Seungcheol slightly panics, trying to twist his words back. "Unless you've had him develop something for you and the feeling turns out to be mutual!"  
"...Yeah, maybe."  
"Aw, come on, Jihoon," Seungcheol whines, lightly kicking him underneath the table. "Don't get so worked up yet. Soonyoung seems to like you too, a little. Maybe give him some time?" he offers.

Jihoon pokes at his food, before nodding. "Yeah," he says, looking out the window. "Some time."

Seungcheol sure does fucking hope that Jihoon isn't taking his complete word for everything concerning him and Soonyoung. If he actually is, then it might cause a little bit too much trouble.

 

* * *

 

Jihoon has been working on a few new songs these past few days, and he's so far finished two of them.

For his songs that were about love, he's only ever really written them about people he's had crushes on, or sometimes from the TV dramas.

(It's a bit far-fetched to call it love, but his lyrics inspired from his not-feelings towards Soonyoung do sound a lot more better. And personal. He doesn't particularly look forward to sharing these songs. He'll keep them to himself for now.)

It's 9PM and Soonyoung just texted him a good five minutes ago that he was on his way to crash over for the night (he didn't even ask if it was alright, but then again Jihoon would have said yes anyway), because he got sexiled from the place he was crashing at and not technically living in. Jihoon makes a mental note to ask him about that later. Now he's tidying up his place a little, half panicking thinking of where he should let Soonyoung sleep, and the other half panicking thinking of whatever could happen tonight. Sure, Jihoon has another room in his unit, even though he lives alone and never has had a roommate, but it's still pointless to have Soonyoung sleep there. There's no mattress on the bed frame.

Soonyoung is at his door in no time, and Jihoon is already panicking just by seeing how nice he looks. The taller boy has a black cap on, a black backpack hanging on his shoulders, and he's wearing a fitted white shirt and black sweatpants. Soonyoung lowers his black face mask down his chin, smiling brightly down at him.

(It's simple, Jihoon thinks, but it makes his heart jump a little. Then again, he's not even sure if it's how Soonyoung looks or if it's Soonyoung himself that gets him giddy.)

"Hey," Soonyoung greets, unconsciously fiddling with the straps of his backpack.

"Hi," Jihoon smiles back. "You actually came."  
Soonyoung chuckles. " _Yeah_ ," he says, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "If you were me, you wouldn't wanna be there either."  
"Okay, okay," Jihoon nods, gesturing for him to get inside. "You still have homework to do or something?" he asks, pointing at Soonyoung's bag.

"Oh, this— not much in there, really. I promise I won't bother you."  
Jihoon raises an eyebrow, heading to his small kitchen. "...Okay. Have you eaten dinner yet?"  
"No, actually."  
"I'm just about to eat... Join me?" Jihoon asks, hoping he will. To his surprise, Soonyoung already walks to him. "Free food? Of fucking course not am I going to give that up!"  
The smaller boy laughs. "It's just instant ramen. I don't have anything better."  
"No one has anything better anyway," Soonyoung remarks, and Jihoon laughs again. "Thank you big time for letting me come over and even feeding me, wow, I owe you so much."  
"It's nothing," Jihoon mumbles, standing on his tiptoes to reach the top cabinet to take out the cup noodles that Seungcheol had purposely left there, fuck that guy, Jihoon doesn't even have the time to transfer them back to the bottom cabinet because he has to go through the trouble of taking them all out while standing on a chair.

He ignores how Soonyoung giggles at him, because his attention is focused on rummaging the space to take out the noodles. Jihoon groans when he accidentally pushes one of the two cups further inside, which is just great. Soonyoung wordlessly pulls Jihoon's arm down, taking both of them, then closing the cabinet. He places it down the counter, before giving Jihoon another one of his bright smiles.

He refuses to be defeated like this, though his burning cheeks say otherwise. "W-What are you so happy for?"  
Soonyoung giggles again. "Nothing. You're just cute."  
"...I'm not cute..." Jihoon mutters, snatching the cups from him. "Go do something else while waiting."  
"Okay," Soonyoung smiles. "Call me if you need help with anything."  
"Whatever."  
"You're welcome," Soonyoung chuckles, patting him on the head before walking to sit on the couch.

Be calm, Jihoon's fragile heart.

The food is cooked and hot and totally unhealthy after not too long, but it's enough for students like them to live off on for a period of their broke lives.

Jihoon joins Soonyoung on his couch, the latter scribbling something down a notebook, and Jihoon hands him the noodles, to which Soonyoung gives thanks to.

"What'cha doing?" Jihoon asks conversationally.

"Oh. This is just, uh, for a choreography thing."  
"Ah, I see," Jihoon says, blowing at the noodles trapped between his chopsticks. "I guess we have that in common..."  
Soonyoung closes his notebook, taking his cup placed on the small centertable. "You mean with creativity or something?"  
"Yeah," Jihoon says, swallowing the food down. "You like making choreography, I like to make songs. You draw formations and plan out steps, and I write lyrics and come up with melodies. You dance and I sing," he pauses to take a small sip of his soup. "I guess we're half and half of one thing."  
Soonyoung gulps soup down from his cup too. "I'm good for a collab if ever you need it, just so you know."  
"Well, _just so you know_ , if anyone's gonna need the other more in a collab, it's gonna be you."  
Soonyoung pouts, cooling off his noodles. "You have a point, but it's not entirely correct," he says, before putting his chopsticks in his mouth, chewing and swallowing quickly to continue what he was saying. "Without me, you can't complete the song— lyrics have to go with a choreography. And without you, I can't complete the dance— moves have to go with music. Two halves make a whole," he smiles. "It's not like I need you by three-fourths and you need me by the remaining one-fourth of it."

Jihoon feels his heart jump at the analogy. It's kind of romantic, kind of sappy, kind of something he'll think about when it's late at night— everything he doesn't want to hear— but if it's Soonyoung, he'll listen.

(Jihoon thinks that Soonyoung might eventually need his songs, say he would need an original song to dance to at some point, but maybe the truth he isn't seeing is that Jihoon's songs need Soonyoung.)

They quickly finish off the rest of their food in fairly comfortable silence, small talk here and there. The TV is off, and both their hands are occupied so they can't use phones, so really they're just looking elsewhere majority of the time if not at each other when the conversation drags on.

He wants to kiss Soonyoung right now— the same feeling the first time while they were together in that practice room, the same feeling whenever they're alone together. Jihoon knows he's turning the night into something else by doing this, but kissing won't be so impure if they didn't intend it to.

"Soonyoung."  
"Yeah?"  
"Do me a favor and sit facing me."  
"...Okay? Like this?" Soonyoung asks, sitting cross-legged across him.

Jihoon nods, smiling a little. "Close your eyes."  
"They're closed."  
"Okay," Jihoon says, perching himself up on his knees. He moves forward, so that Soonyoung's head is kind of resting against his stomach. Jihoon takes off Soonyoung's cap, closing his eyes before leaning down to kiss the top of Soonyoung's head gingerly. "Don't open unless I tell you to," he mumbles, against Soonyoung's dark, fluffy hair.

Jihoon relishes in the feeling of Soonyoung warm against him, before lowering himself down and placing his lips on Soonyoung's.

Soonyoung's hands find their way up to Jihoon's nape, pushing him closer. He feels Jihoon smile into the kiss, so he smiles too, and suddenly they're laughing instead of kissing.

"Why'd you do that?" Soonyoung chuckles.

"I don't know either," the smaller boy whispers, and without signal straddles him. "You're just very kissable."  
"And you taste like the noodly beef broth."  
"A-And you taste like it too, dumbass," Jihoon says, before gently biting at Soonyoung's bottom lip.

It's really nice, Jihoon thinks.

It's not what he originally had in mind, but they find themselves on Jihoon's bed _again_ , wearing nothing at all _again_ , kissing each other like it was the end of the world _again_.

They don't fuck, no, but the feeling is the same, just as every other hook-up they've had. Head between legs, marks on thighs, ragged breaths— Jihoon might as well just get used to it at this point.

He realizes that when he wakes in the morning alone, a text from Soonyoung sitting in his messages, his bedsheets smelling like him again. Jihoon wants to beat his pathetic self up for thinking they could have something more.

 **[Soonyoung]**  
i had to leave early

thank you for the ramen.  
**[5:48 AM]**

Jihoon wanted them to be something more, but it seems like two halves do make a whole. If Soonyoung sees him as merely a fuck-buddy, then just _who is he to be selfish and wish for something more_?

With Soonyoung, Jihoon is someone— but right now, it feels like he's not really anything to him but a person that'll come and go.

 

* * *

 

The month is already nearing its end. Soonyoung has been well, Jihoon has been well— they've been, well, still sleeping with each other. Not so well in terms of being together.

With that in terms, Jihoon has been trying to have anything relatively romantic he's ever felt for Soonyoung to come to an end, too. In his friends' dictionary, this translates to set-Jihoon-up-on-dates.

Jihoon has been going out to meet boys Jeonghan had set him up with for the past four days. There's been this really cute Minki guy in Jeonghan's year— a little too intimidating and pretty for Jihoon. There was another guy that Jihoon doesn't even remember the name of or what year he's from— just that he kept mentioning how short Jihoon was, so that did not end up well at all. After that was a guy in his year called Daniel, who, isn't from the States like Joshua or anything, his name is really just Daniel— was actually really nice, Jihoon liked him the most, but they only seemed to be good off as friends (and he mentioned he liked another guy anyway). Yesterday, Jihoon met with a freshman kid called Moonbin— really smiley and friendly and eager, but Jihoon saw him as a little-brother person.

As much as Jihoon wants to, maybe finding someone else is too early, and the only thing he really needs to do right now is just keep up his position as Kwon Soonyoung's Fuck-Buddy™ until they eventually get tired, stop, and never talk again.

(Ironically, Jihoon feels like he's cheating on Soonyoung whenever he goes on the dates. Seungcheol tells him that he is _so_ not supposed to do that.)

He's almost there, really— whenever he sees Soonyoung, he forces himself to only think of him as a normal co-student. When they're in bed, he's supposed to think of him as just a way to relieve both of their frustrations, and to avoid doing anything too intimate. Not that sex isn't as intimate as it can get— it is, really— but having sex minus cute banter, lingering kisses, and gentle aftercare, is a huge step back for Jihoon. He makes excuses to avoid all of that. Jihoon thinks he deserves some kudos.

So now that Soonyoung is at his door at 11PM, eyes a little red like he had been crying, holding a big sling bag in his hand and a rolled-up sleeping bag tucked in the other— Jihoon wonders why he just can't keep Soonyoung away.

Here's the thing: Seungkwan had called him with Soonyoung's number earlier in the night, desperately _begging_ him for help.

Apparently, it's Seungkwan's place that Soonyoung has been crashing at. Soonyoung originally had been living alone— despite being a scholar, he was able to pay some for the place when he and his boyfriend were still together. The latter had paid loose bills for him.

Soonyoung's boyfriend had broke up with him over text that same night before he went to that party, got drunk, and slept with Jihoon.

Basically, Soonyoung moved out of his own place because he couldn't really pay for it anymore, not without his abusive ex-boyfriend around, so he's lived at Seungkwan's for nearly a month now.

Seungkwan told Jihoon on the phone that Soonyoung told him he felt really bad for having to basically freeload the apartment. Seungkwan and Soonyoung were good friends, so Seungkwan understood his situation, paying bills for both of them, never even asking for any money.

He said that Soonyoung had started to feel greatly indebted to him, to the point that he didn't come home some nights— opting to sleep at his friend Minghao's, or at his other friend Wonwoo's, and that Chan had even worriedly came to Seungkwan on a few occasions to tell him that Soonyoung spent a night sleeping at one of the campus practice rooms.

(Seungkwan also tells him that sometimes Soonyoung would come home, refusing to tell him where he had been, and that Seungkwan would think he'd gotten beaten up, but actually there were just hickeys on him. To this, Soonyoung would further refuse to talk about. Jihoon feels his ears go red upon hearing this.)

Soonyoung had apparently been avoiding staying any longer at Seungkwan's, saying it only made him feel more guilty and useless, even if Seungkwan told him he didn't mind him around at all.

So Jihoon, to Seungkwan's surprise, offers to have Soonyoung stay a while at his. Seungkwan thanks him repeatedly, rambling about how Soonyoung has been crying because he feels so bad, and that they're going over to Jihoon's place immediately, so now Jihoon feels his heart break a little by how sad it all sounds.

Soonyoung is now standing in the doorway in front of Jihoon, and Seungkwan is behind the former. He goes up to Jihoon, hugging him, and spewing out countless thank yous. "You're really the best, Jihoon-hyung! Thank youthankyouthankyou!"  
"I get it, I get it," Jihoon chuckles, stiffening in the hug, not used to it. "You're welcome. It's really not a big deal."  
"I'll go now," Seungkwan says, letting go of him. "Thank you so so much! Take care of Soonyoung-hyung, okay?"  
Jihoon sends him a thumbs-up. "I will!"  
"Don't be hard-headed, Soonyoung-hyung," Seungkwan chides at him. "We'll welcome you anywhere. And stop crying," he says, reaching up to pat him on the head. "Good night! I'll see you guys."  
"Bye!" Jihoon waves, before Seungkwan leaves.

Jihoon usually feels tiny around Soonyoung— not entirely in a physical aspect, but emotionally too. Soonyoung is always bright and smiling, and Jihoon kind of feels smaller because he's unable to do the same. Soonyoung is usually in control whenever they're fooling around again, and Jihoon kind of feels smaller because he allows himself to submit.

This time, however, Jihoon looks up at Soonyoung, only to think that this is the only time he's ever felt Soonyoung tinier than him. He's quiet now, eyes directed to the floor, face in a slight frown, as he distracts himself with alternating the balance he puts on his feet while standing.

Jihoon thinks he still looks beautiful like this, although his guards are down and his stance is vulnerable.

"Turn that frown upside down, Soon," Jihoon attempts. "I'll take you to where you'll be staying."  
Jihoon gestures at him, so Soonyoung follows, still sulking a little. "I like it when you smile, you know," Jihoon says when they enter.

Soonyoung wordlessly places his things on the floor. Jihoon is taken aback when the taller boy turns around, wrapping his arms around Jihoon in an overwhelming hug. His breath hitches, taking in the familiar scent of the fabric softener, as his face gets buried in Soonyoung's shoulder.

Jihoon feels Soonyoung about to pull away, but he brings his limp arms up to encircle Soonyoung's torso, and Jihoon realizes that this is the first time they've ever done a long hold, hug, _embrace_. He catches himself thinking it's far too intimate, but the way Soonyoung's grip tightens around him tells him to stay like this for a little while more.

(Jihoon is not good with these types of things— hugging, being hugged, skinship— all that stuff. Ironically enough, he feels so secure just like this with Soonyoung, hearing each other's hearts beat, feeling each other's chests rise and fall steadily with their breathing. Soonyoung pulls away from him slowly, offering a rather melancholic smile down at him. Jihoon smiles, the kindest one he can attempt, and just like that, he fights back the urge to kiss Soonyoung on the top of his head, tuck him into his sleeping bag, and sing him to sleep.)

Jihoon believes that this is not what was supposed to happen.

He doesn't know why he's even letting this happen, because Soonyoung in his apartment never means good. (Soonyoung in general never means good to Jihoon, anyway). Seeing him in his apartment reminds him of too many memories they've spent, and the very much unhelpful impure thoughts and scenarios come back to his head.

Things are left unspoken that night, though, and Jihoon decides to think of it as nothing more than merely helping him out.

 

* * *

 

**_October, two months earlier._ **

To be fair, Jihoon wasn't completely at fault for Soonyoung kissing him against some wall _again_ , their clothes hastily being thrown off _again_ , making Jihoon forget that he's supposed to get used to this _again_.

Sure, Jihoon knew better than to disregard his own emotional attachments (he still hates the term _feelings_ ) for someone in exchange for being that person's fuck-buddy, _but that was exactly the case with Kwon Soonyoung_.

Reality check. It's the third week of October now, and the air has gotten relatively colder pretty quickly. They've been fooling around for more than a month now. Soonyoung officially moved in four days ago, so their rent is now split in half. The school year is just as stressful as ever. How much more realer can this reality check be?

[It _does_ get realer— Jihoon still thinks it's okay to put Soonyoung before himself. Jihoon tells himself that it doesn't hurt, but pain, of all things, is very much real. It's never easy to fake it.

He learns this the hard way, a week ago, when he unintentionally breaks into tears because Jihancheol™ had cracked him open— he drunkenly admits to have fallen for Soonyoung (but of course they're not called _feelings_ or anything), and that he doesn't care where or how they'll end up, because he just wants to be with Soonyoung, even if it's like this. Even if it's like living a lie. Even if it's killing him slowly. Even if he's obviously only making a fool out of himself.

(Jihoon likens the two of them to a famous love story that is famous because it's tragic. But when you watch the movie about the story, or read the book about the story— chances are that you'll get attached. You'll get attached, you'll predict how it ends, and even if you see it coming— you don't. Everything else blinds you. You still end up hurt.)

Jihoon writes more songs than he should nowadays.]

He has Soonyoung down on the couch, pressing a firm kiss on his lips, before kissing across his bare chest and down.

"Ah, J-Jihoonie..." the taller whines, squirming when Jihoon's hands ghost around his sides, tickling him. "I have to go to practice..."  
He kisses the skin of Soonyoung's stomach above the hem of the sweatpants, before looking up at him. "You asked me to do this, though," Jihoon pouts. "You still have half an hour to kill. Don't stress yourself out."  
"I'm always early, and never late to practice," Soonyoung says, biting his lip. "I can't help but worry."  
"Relax," Jihoon says, crawling up to peck him. "Stay a while."

Soonyoung nods, adjusting their positions so they sit back up, so Jihoon is on his lap, legs around his sides. He kisses Jihoon, long and deep, until they run of breath, and repeat.

"S-Soonyoung," Jihoon pants. "The fuck are you doing?"  
"I d-dont know," the said boy replies, kissing him again. "Can we just make out for now?"

Jihoon blinks, his mind suddenly a flurry of debating with himself over what he should do. No. Isn't this too intimate?

Soonyoung seems to notice his indifference, so he immediately takes it back. "I mean, uh— you don't have to if you don't want it. We can— we can continue from earlier."  
The smaller boy blinks at him again, chuckling before pressing his forehead against Soonyoung's. "Okay," he whispers.

"Okay," the other boy whispers back, smiling. His hand rests on Jihoon's bare back, bringing the other one to hold his hand. Jihoon feels his heart beat out of his chest, ignoring it, as he tilts his head to connect their lips.

Softly. They kiss softly. Just brushes of the lips, light teases of tongue, short pauses to regain breath. Their bodies are warm, chests nearly touching, and Jihoon's hand that isn't intertwined with Soonyoung's finds its way up to his dark hair.

It's the same flutter in Jihoon's stomach again when they part, and Soonyoung is opening his eyes to meet his gaze.

They stare. They stare at each other, mouths slightly parted in order to breath, faces both tinted pink. Soonyoung is first to break the eye contact, blinking down, and Jihoon doesn't want to say that he thinks the blush on his cheeks got brighter. No.

Soonyoung feels like he's supposed to say something right now, or maybe he's expecting Jihoon to say something too, but they sit closely with each other, just not saying anything. It's a comfortable silence, though.

So because Soonyoung doesn't have anything to say (or maybe he can't yet), he slowly kisses the other black-haired boy again. On the forehead, though. Soonyoung quickly hides his face afterwards, bumping his own forehead against Jihoon's shoulder, resting there.

And somehow, this makes both Jihoon's chest and his stomach go crazy.

The smaller boy combs Soonyoung's hair with his fingers. (He's always wanted to do that.) Jihoon closes his eyes, telling himself to stay like this, just be still and calm— take the feeling all in. It's close, it's comfortable, it's intimate— it's everything Jihoon is afraid of committing to. Everything he's afraid of accepting. Everything he had been hoping for, but he asks himself why _this doesn't feel like the right time_.

"...Jihoon-ah."  
His heartbeat speeds up. "Hm?"  
"No, no—" Soonyoung says, still not facing him. "Ask me that and say my name."  
Jihoon furrows his eyebrows, the instructions given to him a little bit questionable. "Um..."  
"Okay, erase. Again, again," Soonyoung clears his throat, and Jihoon chuckles lightly at the whole thing. "Jihoon-ah," Soonyoung repeats.

"What is it, Soonyoung?"  
Jihoon gets even more confused now, because he doesn't respond immediately. He's about to open his mouth to ask what Soonyoung is going on about, but Soonyoung speaks again. "I'd like to ask you something.  
"...Okay. Ask away."  
Soonyoung exhales. "What are we, Jihoon-ah?" he asks, rising up to look Jihoon in the eyes.

All at once, the roof above their heads comes crashing down on Jihoon. ~~(Figuratively, I mean, because that's a cheap and terrible major character death scene.)~~

His thoughts run wild.

_I like you, Soonyoung. I like you so much that I'm scared if I'm allowed to feel like this. Whenever I'm with you, it always feels like it'll be gone too soon. It always feels like it's not something I should get attached to. It always feels like it's not promising anything.  
Because it's true, Soonyoung, isn't it?  
You might have made me develop feelings I've never felt for anyone else before, but that doesn't mean it's always good, right?  
Because no matter how bright you are, no matter how badly you shake my heart (and my bed) up, no matter how much I want for us to have something more,  
You always manage to contradict it.  
So that's my answer.  
What are we, Soonyoung?  
We were two students with sour opinions of one another. We were a one-night stand, but one night turned into more. Somehow, things changed to a good note between us.  
And now, we're roommates. You pay your half of the rent, and I pay mine. Some nights, half my bed is mine, and half of my bed is yours. Some nights, half your bed is yours, and half of your bed is mine.  
And that's just it. In case it isn't clear enough yet for you, I'll be more straightforward.  
We're fuck-buddies._

"You know what, Soonyoung, I—"  
_—don't want to talk about this._

But he's cut off by Soonyoung himself.

"Nevermind, Jihoon. I—" Soonyoung pauses, detaching himself from the said boy, before getting up from the couch. "—Just forget I said that. I— I should ask you some other time."  
Jihoon feels a pang in his chest, and he wants to shout at Soonyoung because _what the fuck?!_ , and he wants to tell him everything because he was so, _so_ ready. "But—"

But Soonyoung's phone on the table rings.

The taller boy coughs. "My team's looking for me. Practice is starting soon," he mumbles, retrieving his shirt from the floor. "I'll— I'll see you later, Ji."

Soonyoung puts on and ties his shoes, before taking his bag, and doing a quick take in front of a mirror to fix his hair. Jihoon, who hasn't moved from his position, hears him head toward the door.

And even if he doesn't want to, he asks. "When will you be back?"  
"...I— I can't say yet. I'll— I promise I'll text you, though, okay?"  
"Okay."  
"Bye," he replies, and it's only when the door shuts close that Jihoon says it back.

* * *

And Jihoon really wishes that Soonyoung hadn't lived up to what he said, because he _does_ text.

He does text, and it's with a fucking dick pic.

**[Soonyoung]  
[image attached]**

I cant really get home yet

but I need yuo fuck

send me back a pic and I'll take it out of my underwear

(might send a vid of me touching mysrlf if you send a good pic :D)

Jihoon wants to cuss him out because _he really has the nerve to do that_ ,  
But it hits him that it's just further proof that this is _them_.

It's them, and they fuck. So Jihoon does what he does best.

He looks at the photo of his own thighs spread, revealing a few marks Soonyoung had left a few days ago, his free hand covering as much crotch area as he can. Just for a tease. Jihoon looks at it one last time, before sending it.

Soonyoung throws his head back against the mirrors of the dance studio upon opening the image. He shakily presses the button to FaceTime Jihoon.

"Fuck you," is the first thing that Soonyoung breathes out when Jihoon's flushed face appears on his screen.

"You wish, Kwon," he smirks. "You're too biased with me. My picture was that good?"  
"Shut your face," Soonyoung mutters, fixing the camera angle of his phone so it captures his whole body through the mirror in front of him. "Now are we going to have phone sex or what?"  
"You sure you won't get caught in there?" Jihoon asks, switching the camera to auto mode.

"Nope. I don't know when the others will get back at all, but it doesn't mean I can't do this."  
"Okay... I can't really imagine you jerking me off while I can actually see you instead of imagining, so," Jihoon says. "Just show me how you touch yourself. And be loud. It'll make me do the same."  
"Jihoon, I'm supposed to be the one telling you all these commands!"  
"No can do. It's either you show me how much a dirty slut you really are or I hang up on you and block your number. What's it gonna be?"  
"...I fucking hate you, Lee," Soonyoung says through gritted teeth, putting the view of his hand pulling out his dick into display.

Jihoon gets up from his desk chair, onto his bed, because he really can't afford jizzing all over his keyboard. Really. Can't.

"Fuck, Soonyoung, I want to ride your thighs."  
"A-And I want your actual hand pumping my dick but that's not really happening now, is it?"  
"No, but pretend it is... Imagine my hand going slower... And suddenly faster, alternating the paces. I spread your legs further, and I fondle your balls."  
"Fuck, J-Ji, it's really weird to put erotica into words. Even more weird because it's like you're reading it out loud, but it's working, ah—"  
"Mutual, Soon. Tell me what you're doing to me."  
"Ah, hah— I-I go up and down slowly, teasingly, then quickly in circles. I thumb the side of your cock, and across the slit."

Jihoon does as told, seeing as Soonyoung is doing what Jihoon has told him to. Soonyoung is, surprisingly, an obedient sub. Might as well save that information for later, Jihoon thinks.

He can hear Soonyoung panting now. "Ji— Will Jihoonie let me come, p-please?"  
Jihoon's no different, though. "I don't know if it's my hand getting me off, or if it's you in that voice sounding all plead-y."  
"Fuck, Ji, the guys said they're coming back right now," he grumbles. "Quick, make me do something."  
And it makes Jihoon smirk because Soonyoung waits for his command. "Go faster. I should be able to hear how sloppy it is." (Jihoon can't believe how confident and in authority he sounds saying these things either.)

Soonyoung goes faster, and it sounds incredibly lewd, mixed with small moans. "Switch the camera so I see your face," Jihoon tells him.

"W-Wait, I— how the hell do you do this?"  
"Oh my god, Soon, it's just the camera icon with an arrow thing, for fuck's sake."  
"Oh, okay," he says, and the camera switches. Jihoon allows his own hand to go faster at the sight of him looking completely disheveled. "How do I look?"  
"Fucking great. Now continue touching yourself, I'll allow you to touch anywhere you want, whichever way you want it. Show me your face, and make me hear your voice, got it?"  
"Y-Yes," Soonyoung breathes out, followed by a little whimper.

Fucking hell, does that make Jihoon's dick twitch. "W-What did you do?"  
"H-Hah, I—" he pauses, his head resting against the mirrored wall. "It's nothing..."  
"Soon, tell me or _else_."  
"Nothing, I swear, just the thought of you—" Soonyoung doesn't continue, instead he shows his hand working himself quickly.

"Oh, fuck, Soon, that's fucking hot, you'll make me come—"  
"—Did I ever tell you I used to bottom before topping you?"  
"N-No— ah— why are you telling me this?"  
"Dunno. You're a feisty power bottom," Soonyoung chuckles, showing his face again, that soon changes to an expression of pleasure. "C-Come for me," Jihoon orders.

The boy on the other side of Jihoon's line cries his name, moans pitchy, and breathing inconsistent. His fucked expression, though only through Jihoon's pixelated phone screen, was enough for him to reach his high too. Jihoon drawls out a long, deep moan that gradually got higher, and Soonyoung just tingles at it even more.

"Fuck," Jihoon pants, head resting on a pillow. "What are you doing, go get cleaned, I thought the others were coming back."  
Soonyoung reaches for his bag, cleaning himself up. "Alright, alright," he says, getting up to fix himself and his clothes.

"Jesus Christ," Jihoon breathes out. "Were you that bored waiting alone?"  
"I... I don't know. Just thought of you," Soonyoung mumbles.

Jihoon doesn't know what to say to that. "You... I— I was working, stupid— You interrupted me, I hate you—"  
Soonyoung giggles. "Sorry. You could've always said no."  
_Yes, I could have always said no— but I didn't. Even if I was busy and I was angry that you had the nerve to text me that— I gave what you wanted from me_. "Doesn't matter," he lies. "I... I should get going now. And so do you."  
"Oh, yeah, right... So—"  
"—By the way, I might not be home tonight. So, just, I don't know— don't forget to lock up. 'Kay, bye."

Jihoon hangs up, and it's the same, but it's not through a door, and it's not Jihoon this time. It's Soonyoung. "...Yeah. Right. Bye," he mumbles to himself.

The other guys text him to say that 'extended' practice is suddenly cancelled. He can go home now.

But Soonyoung doesn't want to go home. It doesn't seem like Jihoon wants him to either.

He scrolls through his contacts, wondering who he should bother today. He knows Seokmin and Seungkwan are busy today, and they have a radio thing going on tonight, so, no. Chan left practice early to take an exam. Junhui, after Saturday practices, has dates with Wonwoo (aka shared shifts at the damn campus café). Minghao called in sick. Mingyu... what _is_ he up to?

 **[Soon-hyung]**  
GYU

WHERE U AT

pls

help me

 **[puppy]**  
what !!

what's happening are you okay

hyung?!?!?!

 **[Soon-hyung]**  
nothing lmao

just bored do u wanna like hang out

 **[puppy]**  
like ....right now right now?

 **[Soon-hyung]**  
yeah ^_^

what you busy or something

 **[puppy]**  
uhh yeah :(((

sorry hyung i gotta meet up with jihoon-hyung in like 2h

Oh. Soonyoung raises an eyebrow at that. That's new.

 **[Soon-hyung]**  
Jihoon???

uhh why? whats up

 **[puppy]**  
ohh uhHGhmm i'm not supposed to tell anyone i think

he'll probably kill me if i do

 **[Soon-hyung]**  
.....

okay??

promise me u arent doing anything bad though right

 **[puppy]**  
no!!! lol soonyoung-hyung wtf

sorry again, maybe some other time ok?

 **[Soon-hyung]**  
no yeah it's okay!!

have fun I guess and be safe

 **[puppy]**  
you too hyung! talk to ya later

Soonyoung sighs, before deciding to text someone else. Said person is Minghao.

 **[Hosh-hyung]**  
Haooo

would you mind if your favorite hyung paid you a visit <33

 **[dragon eight!]**  
Not really

Just don't come too close, I have a cold lmao

 **[Hosh-hyung]**  
yay!!! then I'll be over in like, idk 15?

do u want me to bring food or anything

 **[dragon eight!]**  
You dont have to

 **[Hosh-hyung]**  
I knew you'd say that so I'm bringing them  >:)

 **[dragon eight!]**  
.....i swear

Whatever lol thanks hyung !!

What Soonyoung doesn't expect though, is when he asks Minghao how he's feeling— he says that his heart is breaking.

"You... what?"  
Minghao groans into his pillow. "Kim fucking Mingyu."  
"Oh my _god_ , Hao," Soonyoung sighs down at him. "How many damn times do we—"  
"—Do you have to tell us to break it off, so that none of us get hurt, yadda yadda, I fucking _know_ , hyung."  
"Hao..."

The younger boy doesn't respond.

"Minghao, look at me," Soonyoung says, sitting down on the space next to where he lays. "I'll ask you something. Do you really love him?"  
"...I— No, I don't know," he mumbles, sitting up. "I just— I don't know what'll happen if we aren't together... I want to be with him— It sounds so sappy, I know—"  
"—Hao, go talk it out with him," Soonyoung says, taking a hold of his shoulders. "You just have to learn how Mingyu feels too, you know."  
"Hyung, that scares me the most, you know."  
"You'll never know for sure unless you try! Okay?"  
Minghao turns away from him. "I... I don't know, Soonyoung-hyung. He just seems so happy these days. Without me, too. I don't think I'm supposed to bother him with my emotions," he says before standing up.

"What makes you say that?"  
He doesn't face Soonyoung. "Like today, okay? He's out with Woozi-hyung from your year. Doesn't even tell me why or where or whatever, I only heard about it from Wonwoo-hyung."  
Soonyoung doesn't know what to say at the mention of Jihoon. "I..." he trails off. "I guess we're the same, Hao," he laughs bitterly.

" _What_?" the brown-haired boy asks, now looking at him with a genuinely shocked expression. "What do you mean? You and... You and Woozi?"  
Soonyoung laughs emptily again, shaking his head. "Whoops. You got me."  
"What the _fuck_ , hyung, do _not_ joke with me," he says, walking back to sit with him. "Why am I only hearing of this now?"  
"Because I've never told anyone," Soonyoung deadpans, not looking at him. "And that's all you need to know. So anyway, you and Gyu—"  
"—No, no, _enough_ about that," Minghao says. "You really _think_ I'll let you off after telling me something like _that_?"

Soonyoung doesn't say anything, so Minghao sighs. "Okay. Fine. Don't talk. I'll tell you what, Soonyoung-hyung," he starts. "We all thought it was weird for you two to live together. I knew you disliked him since, like, forever. Junhui-hyung told me he wasn't buying that the two of you just decided to make up— that something else was going on. I didn't believe him, duh, but now that you're really out here refusing to talk about your relationship with Woozi-hyung— I can't believe I'm starting to think that Junhui-hyung is right."  
"...It's— it's whatever, okay? It's complicated. I can't understand how I feel either," Soonyoung replies, standing up, taking a bag of chips from the plastic bag he brought in earlier. "I don't know," he sighs. "It's like— one minute, Jihoon warms up to me, and the next feels like he wants me to go away. It's like he's always stopping himself, purposely avoiding getting too close to me. I don't get him at all," he says, opening the chips and popping one in his mouth. He offers the bag to Minghao.

Minghao takes it, eating too. "But... Why? How? When? Wait! I never even knew Woozi-hyung swung like us."  
The older boy wants to chuckle, but he doesn't. "Well, because..." he hesitates. "Ugh, it's stupid."  
Minghao furrows his brows at him, returning the chips. "Tell me!"  
"It was just after my ex broke up with me," Soonyoung says, holding the bag of chips.

"That bastard?"  
"...Yeah," Soonyoung says quietly, looking away. "It was— It was so stupid, really. At that party. I don't know, we wore both kind of drunk— maybe just tipsy— and for some damn reason, we started talking. He flirted with me, I flirted with him— I don't even remember who did it first— hell, I didn't even know he liked guys. Either way we ended up making out, then at his place, then we fucked, holy crap, I was his fucking _first_ , and we woke up late for fucking Monday assembly!"  
Minghao takes chips from the bag Soonyoung holds. "Interesting," he says, chewing. "Continue."  
"I swear that you wouldn't want to hear the rest of it," Soonyoung mumbles, feeling his face turn warmer. "Long story short, we became some sort of... enemies with benefits. Or whatever you call it."  
"Oh, man," Minghao comments, clapping slowly. "You're royally fucked, hyung. Isn't that in the rules or whatever? Fuck with no strings attached?"  
Soonyoung groans, slumping his face down onto Minghao's bed. "I know, Hao," he whines. "I'm so, _so_ pathetic."  
"Look, hyung," Minghao sighs. "The bad thing is that you two had a relationship with supposedly no emotions... There's nothing bad with you developing feelings for him."  
"No, god. Everything is wrong. I'm making it wrong. Because... Because I feel so stupidly safe with him! Because he makes me feel so stupidly protected, because I've never felt like that, okay! It makes me selfish. I'm not sure if I'm saying this just because he was my first... _relationship_ or something after a bad one—"  
"An _abusive_ one," Minghao corrects.

"Yeah, that... Anyway, even if he was my first after that, maybe I'm a little biased. But... I don't know, Hao. It scares me. There's never been anyone like him. I don't want to lose what we have."  
"Soonyoung-hyung," Minghao starts. "Don't think of things as they are yet. They probably aren't that bad. I think you can still do something about it— you hold more power than you think. The both of you equally have a say in this. Not him more, not you less. Don't let his actions control how you want to act. I... I know it's hypocritical to say this, but, you'll never know how he feels unless you do something either."  
"...Minghao, I can't believe you're fucking using my own advice against me."  
Minghao shoots finger-guns at him. "You know you're my favorite hyung."  
"I hate you," he glares playfully, shooting them back. "Your favorite hyung is Junhui, anyway."  
"Pft, he's lame. All I ever get from living with him is getting sexiled. And maybe some homemade Chinese food that is _not_ take-out, so there's that," he says, popping a few chips into his mouth.

"But Mingyu makes your native food just as good, or better, doesn't he?"  
Minghao doesn't speak. "Sorry," Soonyoung says, smiling sheepishly. "But thank you, Hao. I think I needed that. I just... I just might need some more time to think it out."  
"I'm glad to hear that," Minghao smiles. "So now that you say that, it's fair. I promise to do something... about Gyu and I."  
"That's good," Soonyoung says, before the bag of chips is handed back to him.

**Rule #4: Learn where to draw the line when you get into a new relationship.**

 

* * *

 

_November, one month earlier._

It happens suddenly, the shift in their relationship.

It's just really, _really_ at a terrible timing, that it happens when Jihoon learns to let go of most of it.

It's like the most unfunny joke the universe has played on both of them.

It's one of the most cliché romance tropes you often see, and it's often a hit or miss.

Jihoon doesn't want to believe it, but it seems that Soonyoung is becoming more and more likeable, and that's exactly what Jihoon has been avoiding.

It happens once, so Jihoon automatically assumes that today was an exception.

Soonyoung made him coffee that morning, smiling brightly, and ruffling his hair along with a "Good morning, Jihoonie," leaving his lips. Despite Soonyoung being Soonyoung, who always wakes up early, he waits for Jihoon so they head to campus together. They've left together a few times before, but Jihoon can't help but think that this time— Soonyoung had planned it.

Before they go their separate ways— Jihoon to his first period, and Soonyoung to the dance studio— the latter tells him he'll treat lunch. When he asks why, Soonyoung only smiles, saying he "feels generous today." Neither of them realize that only Jihoon is free for lunch time, but Soonyoung is still actually in lecture hall.

Jihoon isn't too sad about it, since he always has his backup plan to go with either Seungcheol, Jeonghan, or Joshua. Soonyoung, however, floods his phone with messages of apologies. Jihoon replies back, telling him to calm the fuck down and that it's okay, but Soonyoung asks him where he is.

Not less than five minutes later, Soonyoung appears, cheeks flushed red from running, black hair sticking out behind him— nevertheless still smiling. He apologizes again, but Jihoon just dismisses it, complaining that he's not supposed to cut lecture hall for something like this, though Soonyoung shoots him down with a shush.

Turns out, Soonyoung takes him to the practice room. (Jihoon tries to forget what happened the last time the two of them were in there. It doesn't bother him for long, though, because Jihoon is half-relieved and half-disappointed that Mingyu is already in the room.) Apparently, Mingyu had cooked food yesterday, but there was so much, so they're eating more today, and he's here prepared them still warm. Jihoon likes Mingyu's cooking, and he compliments him on this. Mingyu thanks him, mentioning that Soonyoung can't cook, in a whisper. They laugh.

The tall boy younger than both of them leaves not too soon though, and now it's just the two of them sitting on the floor across from each other, inhaling all the food they can. They laugh and joke and talk about a lot of things and get to know some weird stuff about the other, and Jihoon has a feeling in his stomach that is not about getting full— but rather that it all feels too friendly.

Jihoon offers to clean up after eating, though he's in a hurry for his next period, but Soonyoung takes it all and ushers him to go. Jihoon, being Jihoon, refuses. ( _"So much coming from you who skips lecture hall, Soonyoung."  
"Hey! It's me who has to clean up because it's me who uses this place anyway. Now shoo. I'll see you later."_ )

So when it all happens again, Jihoon doesn't know what to do.

I mean, they don't end up eating Mingyu's cooking like the first, or at the practice room, and Soonyoung isn't always skipping lectures, but he's rather determined to have them spend time with each other.

Soonyoung is an exceptionally talented dancer. He creates his own choreography— a creative mind wide with ideas. He's actually not a bad singer. He had considered being an idol once, and it's honestly very imaginable. Soonyoung was a taekwondo blackbelt as a kid, and that's how he got into dancing. He's bad with phones and computers and anything tech-y. He can't eat spicy food. He's had three ex-boyfriends. He likes mathematics, what even the actual fuck. He's not great at handling his alcohol. He's really serious and actually _intimidating_ whenever he dances. He enjoys always being in physical contact with somebody he likes.

Jihoon learns this much about Soonyoung— his roommate, his... _friend_ -ish, his performing arts room neighbor, his music theory and English classmate. Jihoon learns this much about Soonyoung, hanging out with him in the span of five days.

There's always a silence proceeded after they burst out in laughter over something, and they end up looking at each other, and it always feels like something's going to happen, or that Soonyoung will say something, but the moment is gone before they both realize because _Jihoon always looks away first_. And then just like that, they'll return giving the TV, or the food, or the very interesting wood of the floors, all their attention.

It's a thing Jihoon observes about himself— he never makes any first moves unless Soonyoung wants to.

It continues for more than a week, and they hang out less as schoolwork becomes heavier. But, to balance out the time they don't spend being 'friends,' they make out. They make out more frequently than they fuck.

Sometimes, Soonyoung will visit Jihoon in his studio— just for some small talk, or to watch what he's doing— then he'll kiss him. Most nights, at their apartment, they kiss against the door, or on the couch, and sometimes Jihoon is up on the kitchen counter— cups of coffee are left cold, laptops are left open, and textbooks with uncapped highlighters in between the pages are forgotten.

They'll kiss, and they'll kiss, and it's like Jihoon can feel Soonyoung's emotions through it, like if he's tired, or happy, or a little down. Their lips always move only chastely at first, and Jihoon will get bored of it, so he lets his hands and his lips roam around, but Soonyoung will always end up shaking his head, holding the smaller boy's hands so that they don't move.

It frustrates Jihoon, to say the least, and he can't understand why Soonyoung isn't returning his actions when clearly Soonyoung is restless from practicing for a showcase in January or something, meaning Jihoon is supposed to make him relax. Isn't this what he's supposed to be doing? To do this whole thing with Soonyoung?

(Jihoon tells himself it's unhealthy for him to get distressed over something like this. It's not like he and Soonyoung are even a thing. Soonyoung is allowed to be with, or hang out with, or kiss, or fuck anybody he pleases— Jihoon is fine with doing what he believes Soonyoung wants him to do. And because he and Soonyoung are, in fact, _not_ a thing, Jihoon really has no say or right to question Soonyoung. It will have to stay that way. Even if emotional attachments don't die so easily.)

November is Jihoon's birth month. Soonyoung, his, of course, established roommate, no more no less, is _supposed_ to do at least something nice for him. Soonyoung makes a mental note on no alcohol, because he really doesn't want to fuck his whole stop-messing-around-with-Jihoon plan up.

Truthfully, Soonyoung is very sincere about this.

There's only so much he can see in Jihoon now, only so much more he's explored so far— there has to definitely be more.

(With Jihoon, Soonyoung always feels like he's in between falling and floating. Breaking his own rules makes his spirits fall low and careless and he always feels like he's being judged for it, but breaking them for the benefit of the wonder that is Jihoon makes his spirits rise high and careless so that he doesn't think about anything else. So careless, to the point that he keeps on sending Jihoon all the mixed signals.)

See, our poor Jihoon is in a constant minigame: try guessing what Soonyoung fucking wants! Guess if Soonyoung is hanging out with him out of pure boredom, or is he just messing with him, or is he genuine with building a friendship! Guess if Soonyoung isn't fucking him anymore because he's either busy, or he's lost interest, or he's doing this with somebody else that isn't Jihoon! Oh, and Jihoon's favorite— guess him and Soonyoung's relationship? Friends who pity-make out with each other? Roommates with benefits? Guys being dudes? No one will ever really know!

So now that Jihoon comes back from his new part-time at some record store, only to be greeted with the sight of him and Soonyoung's previously dark shared apartment suddenly lighting up, bursting with colors and the cheers of people after he takes a step inside— he's surprised, to say the least.

Jihoon fails to scan the room to find everyone's faces, because the view in front of him really only consists of a wide smile, slanted eyes, puffed out cheeks, and black hair falling above eyebrows— all belonging to none other than Soonyoung.

The bright, _bright_ , and beautiful Soonyoung— all sunny smiles and radiance, soft voice and gentle laughs, deep kisses and lingering touches— Soonyoung, the boy Jihoon has grown to love.

Just like that, the overwhelming truth dawns on him.

It kind of makes Jihoon want to throw up, run away, _and_ kiss Soonyoung all at the same time. Which, if he does any of these, might not do any good at all. So, he just breaks out into an embarrassed smile when he hears a chorus of "Happy birthday, Jihoon!"

"I— I don't know what to say," he chuckles, not knowing where to look. "Thank you all so, so much. I... You guys really didn't have to do this. Haven't had any celebration like this since I was, like, nine."  
"Ah! Wait," Soonyoung suddenly says, shuffling to bring out a box of matches from his pocket. He goes over to the counter, lighting a match stick above the candles perched on a simple chocolate cake covered with white icing. Afterwards, he carries it over to Jihoon (all the while screeching "MOVE, I'M BROKE AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO DROP THIS CAKE.")

Soonyoung now stands, holding the cake in front of Jihoon, with a giddy smile on his face that makes his nose scrunch up cutely. "Happy birthday, Jihoonie," he whispers, over the sudden hush of the room. "Wish for something."  
Jihoon feels his cheeks flush when he meets Soonyoung's eyes, the flame of the candles reflected in his. "I..." he starts, struggling to think of a wish or anything. "I really don't know, honestly. Maybe... Maybe a wish for things in my life to go well is a step to happiness. Or something cheesy like that."

Soonyoung beams at Jihoon— he thinks it's a cute thing to wish for. It's just something very... Jihoon. It's a warm, familiar feeling that surges through him— it's like Soonyoung forgets all the people standing around them, it's like a moment in time he wants to stop so he can capture it forever— all because Lee Jihoon is looking up at him with eyes just as lively as his smile, and his cheeks are filled with color, and it makes Soonyoung feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It's a scene that has his spirits all up and high.

The candles are blown out, and both of them are snapped from their trances of losing themselves in each other's eyes because the people start singing that goddamn birthday song and it's noisy and loud and all cheer again.

They both look away, and Jihoon chuckles, feeling his face heat up until his ears and his neck, while Soonyoung awkwardly joins in on the singing. Jihoon turns to face him, mouthing a "Thank you."

Soonyoung grins at him when the song finishes, and somehow, they're so quickly separated, because Seungcheol and his friends drag Jihoon away, ruffling his head and pinching his cheeks like he was a baby. Soonyoung chuckles to himself, placing the cake back in its proper place to eat for later.

It's only a small get-together surprise, really. Soonyoung had invited Jihoon's close friends he knew of (Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and Joshua), and the rest were their mutual friends (or so Soonyoung believed most of them were).

There's a few girls, who are definitely outumbered by all these guys, and pretty much everyone is gay, he realizes, laughing.

Even if he doesn't know what to do with him and Jihoon yet so that "all things in his life can go well and he can be happy," this is the most he can do to show his sincerity.

Soonyoung watches Jihoon talk with people (read: watch him get swarmed by them), and Mingyu says something to make him laugh while handing him a glass of cola, and there's also Seokmin that keeps on patting his head, and Junhui and Wonwoo are in the corner behind them talking between themselves like they always have been— and Soonyoung exhales a breath he didn't know he had been holding, just hoping it'll all turn out okay.

 

* * *

 

(Soonyoung and Jihoon watch this one movie on their particularly free night in early December. It's one with Angelina Jolie and some other guy neither of them can name. The sexual tension between the two characters is _very_ real, that it reaches Soonyoung and Jihoon, who are on their small couch, maybe a foot away from each other. It's really evident, because they talk to each other a lot in between the scenes, commenting and making a few jokes, but it's quiet when they get to the scene where Angelina and the male lead have an all-out fight in their house. The TV shows them breaking literally everything in the house, only to have them make out with each other and have sex in the end. It's only a few seconds into the scene where they start kissing each other angrily that Jihoon looks away, blushing furiously— it's too similar with him and Soonyoung. The other boy doesn't say anything, and he nearly chokes on his chips when moans are heard from the TV. Jihoon fake-coughs to block out the sound, and really, everything would have been okay had he not peeped to his left to look at Soonyoung— who was already staring back at him.

Long story short, they end up in Soonyoung's bed.)

 

* * *

 

**_December, the night before._ **

Waiting at home one snowy evening to see Jihoon come in with Kim Mingyu is really the last thing Soonyoung would have expected.

"Oh, hey, Soonyoung-hyung!" Mingyu greets, with that wide, almost childish, smile of his, canines protruding slightly— and Soonyoung— a familiar bitter flavor rises back at the back of his mouth upon seeing the the two's hands held together. "I was just going to drop Jihoon-hyung off—"  
"— _Where_ have you been, Jihoon?"  
"Out," Jihoon says bluntly, not even bothering to look at him. "With Mingyu. You care?"  
Soonyoung's about to open his mouth to reply, but Mingyu says, "Uh... I think this is when I take my leave," he mutters awkwardly. "You two go have a good night. Good night, hyung," he says, turning to smile at Soonyoung. "Good night, Jihoon-hyung. Feel better!" he says, winking at the said boy, before leaving.

These days, Jihoon's and Soonyoung's schedules have started to completely contradict each other. Meaning, they actually never have the 'hang-outs' anymore.

Jihoon has his part-time at the record store, and he's at campus doing extra activities like always. Soonyoung is going around for loads of temporary part-times— sometimes it's giving out flyers, or waiting tables, or tutoring high school students, how did he even earn something like that— that it kind of worries Jihoon, considering the fact that Soonyoung is the most hardworking dance major he's ever met.

Most times, they aren't together in the apartment for long anymore. It's either the brief "hey" and "hi" proceeded by the "see ya" and "bye," or small talk about how things have been going, or when it's been rough for both of them— a makeout session, that Soonyoung always stops before it leads to more. There is no in between.

It just disappoints Soonyoung, because he loves Fridays. He looks forward to Fridays. He stays home and rests and does undone schoolwork for next week after he attends class— and it works, because Jihoon does the same thing— Jihoon stays on Fridays as well.

"Hey," Soonyoung repeats firmly. "I— Where have you been? It's late, and, I don't know... you don't come back late on a Friday?"  
"I said I was out," Jihoon sighs. "After work, Gyu came to pick me up, and we ate dinner."  
"But don't you get off at, like, 4?"  
"Yeah," he dismisses, walking past him. "Anyway, we ate at 5, and I stayed at his place for the rest of time. That enough info for you?"  
Soonyoung blinks, thinking, oh, it doesn't really seem like Jihoon is in the mood to talk. "...Are you okay, Ji? Aren't you hungry or—"  
"I'm fine, Soonyoung. I'm tired and sleepy so just let me go and stop pretending to care," he blurts out in one breath.

"What?" Soonyoung inquires, a little confused, and a little angry.

" _What_?" Jihoon shoots back, and Soonyoung swears that his gaze was intimidating. It's been a long time since he's seen that. Way back from the days they hadn't started sleeping with each other, really. He continues, "Something you didn't quite catch? Any problem?"  
"I—" Soonyoung hesitates, his breath hitching.

"You what?"  
"It's— just— why did Mingyu have to bring you back here?"  
Jihoon gapes at him, before answering, "...What? What's so fucking wrong about that?"  
Shit. Jihoon just might be onto him right now. "He— you've been with him the whole day without telling me, I mean, it's not like you're the only person who lives here, o-of course I'm gonna worry about where you are," and he thinks, _oh, shit, that's the lamest fucking excuse ever_.

"Soonyoung— what the fuck? What, suddenly, I'm not allowed to go wherever, do whatever, with whoever I want— just because you and I live together? I'm sorry, but what? Why are you being so— so irrational?!" Jihoon barks. "Why would you even have a problem with that? Does it shake you up _that_ bad?"  
"Why are you being so fucking defensive, then?!" Soonyoung spits back.

"Wha— don't shoot me back with a question! Just fucking tell me then next time, Soonyoung, so maybe Mingyu and I can, I don't know, tell you when we'll meet and when I'll get home so as to not bother you, and get along with spending our time hanging out and giving friendly advice—"  
"—Yeah, hanging out and giving friendly advice my ass," Soonyoung snorts, daring to bring this one up now. "Yeah, because you two got _extra_ friendly all locked in your room last night."  
Jihoon stares at him in complete disbelief, a part of him feeling unnecessarily... guilty. "Okay, honest-to-fucking-god," he grumbles. "I'll admit that Gyu was here last night," he says quietly, hoping Soonyoung would stop sounding angry, because this wouldn't really help his headache.

 

_"...Hey, I know that this is probably way out of bounds, and I'm here to help with the song and all, but... Can I kiss you right now?" Mingyu speaks up, looking up from his writings on the pad of paper, after a while of just them working and not saying anything, just the occasional questions here and there. It's already gotten late.  
Jihoon slowly turns to look at him sat on the bed, the unreadable expression on Jihoon's face illuminated by the faint glow of the computer screen. "I— I wouldn't be against it? I would like to, but..."  
"No, no, it's really okay," Mingyu protests quickly. "I just wanted to try it. Don't force yourself."  
"You can kiss me," Jihoon quietly says, looking down at his lap. "Just... Just don't do anything else unless I tell you to."  
"Don't take advantage of you— got it," the taller boy rephrases, before turning Jihoon around in his seat, as he sits on the edge of the bed. Mingyu licks his lips tentatively, out of habit, before leaning forward to close the space between the two of them.  
Jihoon closes his eyes, taking in the sensation of a different person's lips against his. He's a little tense, a little unsure of what to do, and greatly bewildered by himself as well— he wouldn't agree to a random kiss if he were in his right mind. This is somebody different. It's not the same feeling, touch, taste, or manner— as Soonyoung. The only guy he's been kissing, for a few months now. Him again. Fucking Soonyoung.  
He feels Mingyu move his lips less chastely, and Jihoon, surprising himself, complies. They part for a moment, catching their breaths, and why is it that they can't look each other in the eyes, Jihoon wonders.  
Mingyu kisses him again, hands traveling to Jihoon's sides. "I-Is this okay?"  
"Y-Yeah," he pants, nodding, kissing him more.  
Jihoon shuffles a little when the hands go under his sweatshirt, and Mingyu is lightly biting his bottom lip. He tries. He tries hard to not think of Soonyoung, that bastard who always loved to stick his tongue inside his mouth, always liked having his hands on Jihoon's ass.  
That's when Mingyu's lips leave his, pressing on his jawline now. "You okay with here?"  
He manages to nod, and Mingyu continues, going from there down to the side of his neck, hands going up his chest— and that's when Jihoon exhales a breath.  
"I-I'm— I'm sorry," he says, slightly craning his neck away. "I'm really sorry. Don't take it personally. I-It's not that I don't want to. It's more of I can't."  
Mingyu exhales, removing his hands, moving away from him. "Fuck. I'm so sorry too. Shit, shit, I don't know what got into me," he whispers, burying his face.  
"Hey— Hey, don't feel bad. I... I don't think either of us were actually thinking right. You're a great guy and all, and I used to kinda have a crush on you, but..."  
Mingyu looks at him, but Jihoon looks away, before continuing. "But it just didn't feel right. I— I was thinking of s-somebody else, and— and that's terrib—"  
"—You aren't alone, then," he tells Jihoon, and there's something wistful in his look, a sad smile creeping on his face. "Let me guess. You couldn't stop thinking about Soonyoung-hyung," he offers, gazing at him knowingly, and a little sympathetically, too, and Jihoon just feels himself turn red in the face, unable to look back at Mingyu._

"—It's true that I didn't tell you about it, and that I left in the morning before you woke up... So, if that angers you in anyway— I'm sorry, okay?" he attempts to sound sincere— he really is, but his crankiness from not feeling well is not helping.

"Yeah, okay," Soonyoung dismisses. "Just go and continue messing around with Mingyu, and not reply to my texts and calls, and give me the cold shoulder when I try to reach out to you."  
And Jihoon just blinks. He can't believe it. To think that he even felt guilty when he and Mingyu did that. "...I don't know where or how or why you got that idea, and trust me, I don't want to know," says Jihoon, in a cautiously low voice. "You know, Soonyoung, I can't fucking understand you," he chuckles. "And I don't want to anymore— it's completely pointless to even have this conversation with you, because it doesn't seem like you're even _trying_ to understand me—"  
"—So please do fucking enlighten me, Lee Jihoon! You seem to have a huge goddamn problem with me, so go and tell me because aren't you just fucking _amazing_ at using your mouth?"  
"Fuck _you_ , Kwon Soonyoung," Jihoon growls, feeling his blood warm at the sudden shift of mood. "You don't even know what happened. I've never had a problem with you ever since we became this stupid _roommates or whatever_ thing, because you've never acted this much of an asshole until recently. You go and hang out with me all the time—"

 

_Not less than five minutes later, Soonyoung appears, cheeks flushed red from running, black hair sticking out behind him— nevertheless still smiling.  
Jihoon shoots him a puzzled expression, that Soonyoung totally misinterprets. "Oh my god— I'm really, really sorry, please don't kill me—"  
"—Do you have a death wish, Kwon Soonyoung?" Jihoon says loudly, hitting him on the arm, causing a few students to look their way.  
"Ow!"  
"What are you thinking, skipping a period!"  
"A little skip ain't ever killed anybody!"  
"You... You're crazy."  
"Glad you have that figured out. Let's just go!" Soonyoung beams at him, taking him by the hand, and Jihoon, though he still has much to scold Soonyoung for, just lets it be, and the next thing he knows, his feet are following those of Soonyoung's._

"—And you go plan a surprise for my birthday—"

_The candles are blown out, and both of them are snapped from their trances of losing themselves in each other's eyes because the people start singing that goddamn birthday song and it's noisy and loud and all cheer again.  
They both look away, and Jihoon chuckles, feeling his face heat up until his ears and his neck, while Soonyoung awkwardly joins in on the singing. Jihoon turns to face him, mouthing a "Thank you."_

"And— and show me we're supposed to be all chummy and friendly! But then— then you start growing all distant!"

_Jihoon sits on the couch, knees by his chest, as he writes down in his notebook.  
The opening 'clack' of the door catches his attention, and he turns to find Soonyoung enter, running a hand through his hair.  
"Hey. Welcome back," Jihoon greets quietly, focusing back on his work.  
The dip in the couch is suddenly visible, because of the shift in weight once Soonyoung wordlessly sits next to him. He doesn't do or say anything, so Jihoon looks up at him expectantly, only to be pulled closer, and the next thing he knows, Soonyoung is kissing him.  
Soonyoung isn't touching him, or demanding any type of other movement. He isn't having Jihoon below him, so the said boy decides to have Soonyoung below him instead.  
Jihoon undoes the first few buttons on Soonyoung's button-up, kissing him deeply, expecting Soonyoung to grab him by the waist, or tread through his hair, but nothing.  
By the time Jihoon reaches the last button, Soonyoung gently pushes his hand away. "Sorry, Ji," he whispers, patting the top of his head, before standing up, going to his room. "Good night," he calls out, before closing the door, just leaving Jihoon there.  
The next time they make out, Jihoon hopes for it again, but his efforts are shunned once more. And the next. And the one after that. Until he learns to shut up and keep his hands to himself._

"—I d-don't care if we stop fucking, but y-you still kiss me, and I think that you do it because you're stressed from burying yourself into practicing or tired from work and studying a-and you get my hopes up but you just stop it whenever you please!" Jihoon lets out exasperatedly. "And you get yourself so many jobs I always tell you not to! I... I should b-be the one asking you that! What is _your_ fucking problem?"  
"I— _you're_ my problem!" Soonyoung snaps.

The few beats of silence are proceeded by Jihoon's empty chuckling. "I don't want to talk about this."  
"You don't like fucking talking about anything!" the taller bellows, taking a tight hold on Jihoon's wrist.

The latter tenses, feeling increasingly light-headed. He's completely not used to this side of Soonyoung, but he presses on. "That much you know. And I said, I don't want to talk to you," he says lowly, breaking from Soonyoung's grip, before turning to leave.

"...Just hear me out, Jihoon, please. Am I really that hard to talk to? Do you hate living with me? At least say anything before you go, so that I can think about how to make it up to you. I don't want to keep things like this— let's talk, Jihoon."  
The said boy scoffs. "Yeah, right, because I'm such a huge goddamn problem," he mumbles, before turning to look at him. "I've said enough. How do you even plan to make it up to me or fucking whatever? Just say you don't want to do this anymore— a-and forget about it."  
"D-Do what?" Soonyoung asks, a bit taken aback.

"Fucking hell, s-stop pretending like you don't even know," Jihoon says, hand already on the doorknob. "You don't own me and I don't own you either, Soonyoung. Had anything happened between Mingyu and I last night or a while ago or ever— it's none of your business. Nothing even happened! I mean, m-maybe— maybe just a little, but that doesn't matter, it didn't do me any good anyway! Like I said, you don't have to pretend to _care_ about me. You d-don't have to ask me these things like it fucking affects you! I... I know it doesn't matter, so j-just leave me alone. It's not like it'll kill either of us if you stop it. Don't keep on acting like we have anything to talk about, Soonyoung," he says the last part weakly, head pounding as he gets surprised by his own outburst. "...Please. I'm tired."  
"B-But I'm not acting or pretending to do anything! Because I do, Jihoon, I do fucking care about you, and I know I'm so stupid because I'm not supposed to do that in this dumb relationship or whatever you wanna call it!" Soonyoung blurts out, brain-to-mouth filter not functioning.

Jihoon doesn't move, his forehead resting on the door, eyes screwed shut, and he tightens his grip on the doorknob. Soonyoung continues, "Because what if I do, Jihoon?" he says quietly. "What if— What if it affects me? What if I want to own you and I want you to own me? Wait, no— that's not— I mean, w-what if I want you to be mine and I want to be y-yours?" he stutters out, feeling a blush spread across his face. "What if you always being with Mingyu these days makes me so, so, fucking _jealous_? What if I don't want you for anyone else because I want us to have something more, huh? What if we do have something to talk about?" he pants out, heart beating rapidly.

"T-Then that's probably the most foolish decision you'll ever make," Jihoon whispers, laughing weakly.

Soonyoung furrows his eyebrows. "Are— are you okay, Ji?"  
"N-No, dumbass, thanks for asking. I feel like I'm going to fucking pass out."  
"What?!" Soonyoung cries out, stumbling towards him. He takes Jihoon by the hand to face him, but Jihoon immediately just falls limp into his chest, and Soonyoung stills, his stomach fluttering. He slowly brings a hand up to his forehead. "A-Are you crazy, Jihoon?! You're burning up!"  
Jihoon takes heavy breaths, curling his fists against Soonyoung's chest in a feeble attempt to push him away. "S-Stop it."  
"No, no, you need to go to bed, Ji," Soonyoung whispers, cupping the smaller boy's heated face in his hands. He pushes Jihoon's hair back, checking his forehead again. "Fuck, Ji, you're worrying me. I'm so sorry I made you mad with me and my stupid attitude," he mumbles, leaning down to place a kiss on the top of Jihoon's head, on the softness of his black hair. "Come on."

Jihoon shakes his head, though he contradicts his actions when he presses himself closer to Soonyoung, and Soonyoung feels his heart jump like a teenage boy all over again.

Jihoon does not, in fact, detach himself from Soonyoung, so the latter's plan of having Jihoon up on his back actually fails, because he just doesn't _budge_ — and it makes Soonyoung smile. Jihoon was always like that anyway.

His arm muscles aren't really a part of his body he takes pride in, but Soonyoung figures that someone as small and tiny-framed as Jihoon was something he could have no trouble carrying.

So he does. It's an awkward angle, and it looks like the way one would carry a vertical box, and Soonyoung can barely walk like this— but it's only a few steps until they reach the creak of the door to Jihoon's room anyway.

"You're unbelievable, Ji," Soonyoung mumbles, before placing him on his bed. "You're cute, but you're stupid," he says, brushing his fingers through Jihoon's hair. "And I would kiss you right now, but that would just mean I'm stupid as well."  
" _You're_ unbelievable," Jihoon whines, his eyes closed and eyebrows furrowed together. "F-First you go all snappy at me and raise your voice at me a-and make me feel bad, then the next thing I know y-you're going all soft on me while telling me all these sweet nothings t-that my mind translates as 'Oh, he likes me back,' but really it's not, and you j-just like leading me on, you assho—"  
Soonyoung is unable to hold himself back, placing a quick peck on the other boy's lips, then his face breaks out into a wide grin afterwards. "Sorry," he giggles.

Jihoon just unconsciously admitted he liked Soonyoung. He likes him. _He likes me back_ , Soonyoung thinks giddily.

"Let's talk when you get better, baby. Wait here and I'll go get some water and a towel for your forehead, yeah?"  
"...Mm," the other boy mumbles, eyes still not opening. "Whatever. Just... don't be gone too long."  
And it strikes something in Soonyoung, because it's soft, and willing, and it shows a sense of trust, or maybe just because it's Jihoon— it's something he can't quite place his finger on, really— but it makes him smile. "I won't."

Soonyoung comes back after a brisk moment, soaking the towel, squeezing it out before placing it on Jihoon's forehead. "Y-You don't have to do this, Soon. Just get me some pills... If it's like this, I'll feel like a child all over again," he mumbles.

"No! You haven't eaten since six hours ago. And a fever always rejects a full stomach. I don't want you having to throw up or anything."

Jihoon lets out a small grunt of annoyance, but he stops protesting.

It's quiet, and Jihoon can hear the faint bustling of the vehicles outside, and his fever is making him shiver. Still, Soonyoung humming an unfamiliar tune quietly while brushing through his hair makes him relax. It calms him down. It makes his eyes flutter closed. It lulls him off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

**_December, present day._ **

The ring of a doorbell resonates throughout the apartment unit, finding its way to make a pair of ears perk up, like those of a dog's.

Soonyoung jolts awake under the soft fabric of the bed sheets, as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes. He sits upright, and that's when it hits him, realizing _oh_.

He expects himself to not be wearing anything, but he actually is clothed. Lee Jihoon is snuggled next to him, his also, surprisingly, clothed body steadily rising and sinking in accordance with his breathing. They're in Jihoon's room. The sunlight is streaming through the curtained window. Nothing happened last night. It's Saturday. Soonyoung has a lecture at 8. The wall clock reads 7:12, and _shit, he has to get up_.

Soonyoung's about to do so to answer the door, only to be stopped when Jihoon suddenly reaches out for his wrist. Soonyoung freezes, and he notices the other boy's face in an expression of distress. His eyes are closed, but he mumbles a faint "Don't go."

Soonyoung doesn't go.

Jihoon is burning up, Soonyoung learns. And he remembers— remembers how Jihoon had gotten a fever, how they had argued, how Soonyoung had accidentally said _that_ , and how Jihoon had burst out nearly everything he could. Crap. Soonyoung mentally facepalms himself, but it's not like he can do anything about it anymore. What's done has been done. "...Jihoon."  
No response.  
"Jihoon," Soonyoung says softly, fixing the said boy's dark hair.

No response.

It's silent for a few moments, and everything seems still, as Soonyoung continues carding his fingers through the hair. If it weren't for the fact that Jihoon was sick, Soonyoung would say that he looked peaceful like this. Peaceful, and beautiful, and Soonyoung would give anything to just stop everything and forget everything— and stay. Stay like this, in a perfectly imperfect moment. He could kiss him right now. He'd want to.

Still, like a lot of things between the two of them, Soonyoung doesn't know if he's supposed to do that. Especially right now. Not after their unresolved scene last night. Not after how close they've gotten this past month. (And not while Jihoon is still sick and they both have morning breath.) So, he doesn't.

"Ji."  
"...Mm?"  
"You... you wait here, okay? I still need to, uh, wash up and all, and— oh, shit, I still have a class. I mean— I'll get you new clothes too, and I'll get you to cool down, okay?" he says, checking his forehead again. "You're still hot."  
Jihoon shakes his head weakly. "No... Stay here, Soonyoung. With me."  
Soonyoung gulps, scolding his heart for beating so quickly. "Ji," he says, laughing it off. "I'll get sick too. You have a fever. I'll... I'll take care of you."  
"N-No!" Jihoon stutters out. "I didn't mean it. I'm not thinking right. G-Go to your class.  
"...No."  
"What?"  
"I'll stay, alright? With you."  
"...Really?"  
"I will," Soonyoung whispers, interlocking his fingers with Jihoon's.

He stays with Jihoon. No 8AM class was attended.

"You know, Soonyoung, one of these days I am _so_ going to scold you. You keep on cutting classes."  
"Hey! That was a lec that I didn't really need to take, _one_ time."  
"You cut it anyway. What if you lose your scholarship?"  
"I won't! And for your information, I hope you remember that I cut it for you."  
"...A-And you're doing it again, you dummy."

And it's a banter they're both familiar with; they've both grown into. Jihoon knows better than to trust and look forward to the moments like these that they share, because it's temporary and unpromising, maybe it always was and always is— and Jihoon wants to believe it'll stay that way, that it's supposed to be like that, that he'll play along and put up with it just 'cause— but when Soonyoung kisses his forehead, and plays with his hands, and combs his hair, and feeds him the soup he made, it fools Jihoon into believing otherwise. Soonyoung was like that anyway.

[Jihoon falls first, and is first to fall out of it, too (make an attempt to, at least). Soonyoung falls second, realizing a little too late, and at a timing too bad, and it's always sudden and never rational. Between them, indulgence is the root of everything. Reciprocation is exchanged blindly, yet they grew to care too much to be able to reject— so they're somewhere in between those two things.

Well, they're in between a lot of things, to be honest.]

They're still trying to make it work— the sincerity is there.

 

* * *

 

Jihoon recovers after three days. Two, actually, but Soonyoung just wouldn't let him leave and go to class and work again just yet.

And what amuses Soonyoung the most is that Jihoon seems to have forgotten about how he accidentally confessed to Soonyoung in his ill, hazy state.

Soonyoung takes a break from his temporary jobs, deciding he's earned enough for now. Jihoon approves of it, saying that at least someone's around to clean the apartment, but Soonyoung teases him, saying he did it to spend time with Jihoon. (It's not entirely a lie.)

(They work together better than either of them have ever realized. Different, but the same. Neither of them will admit it, but they both hope that the way they balance out each other so well is something that will never change.)

It just feels so unreal, Soonyoung thinks. Just being like this with Jihoon feels so unreal. Spending time at his studio, eating together, listening to Jihoon rant on about his day, laughing about something stupid— things _friends_ do. Friends who live together, yeah, but friends who used to fuck, too. Maybe— maybe they don't need the talk, or whatever. Maybe it really was always meant to be like this— maybe they were always better off as friends.

Soonyoung knows he's being an asshole again by doing this— putting their 'talk' at the back of his brain, not fulfilling his promise of 'talking with Jihoon after he gets better,' acting like Jihoon never said anything relatively like a confession that got Soonyoung's hopes up, _and_ acting like he himself isn't so goddamn in love with Jihoon.

Since he's so caught up in thinking they work well as friends, knowing that he loves Jihoon, ironically, comes more often than it had ever, may he notice. It had come to him before, but somehow it's different this time. The sudden realization in front of him that— god, he loves him.

"Soonyoung-ah," calls a voice, that snaps the said boy out of his trance.

He blinks, looking back down at Jihoon. Right. "S-Sorry, uh, you were saying?"  
"I said," Jihoon chuckles. "We should get out of this party. We aren't even drinking. Neither of us even like parties... Shall we trod along back, your Highness?"

 

_"Hey," Jihoon says, over a few shared beers while staying up all night to study, catching Soonyoung's attention. "If you weren't here right now— being a barely functional adult, making these regretful decisions, studying until your eyes bleed or something— where would you be?"  
Soonyoung finds it a funny question, but he's always up for these. "I want to hear yours first," he smiles.  
"Okay," Jihoon sighs. "Maybe back in my hometown, Busan, where the beaches are popular and there's often tourists around— I could be a beach guy."  
The other boy bursts out laughing. "What the fuck is a beach guy?"  
"I don't know," he chuckles. "Maybe I would swim a lot. Or fish. Maybe fish. Only if my parents actually let me go to sea," he laughs. "Realistically, I could be just a tourist guide or something, maybe making souvenirs too. Or a baseball player. I loved to play baseball as a kid."  
"That's cute," Soonyoung comments, imagining the likes of it. "I wonder how ripped you'd be if you did end up swimming."  
"Shut up," Jihoon says, blushing. "I know I'm only skinny. What about you, anyway?"  
"Nowhere in particular, probably."  
"That's pessimistic."  
"But I've always wanted to be a prince!"  
It's Jihoon's turn to burst out laughing. "A prince? Like, historically a prince?"  
"Yeah!" he smiles brightly. "Or Western royalty, because we don't have princes here anymore. They look cool too."  
"You just want to look rich."  
"Yup!"_

Soonyoung smiles, knowing their inside joke. "I thought you would never ask... It would be the greatest honor. Do allow me," he cheesily replies in a cheesy voice, cheesily offering his hand out to take Jihoon's.  
"Stop that now," the latter jokes, walking away, and leaving his hand untouched.

"Okay, okay," Soonyoung laughs, walking up to him when they leave the house party. "Where to?"  
"Wah! Look, Soonyoung, it's snowing!" Jihoon beams. "I mean, it's not the first snow, but it's snow anyway, you know."  
"Do you like snow?" Soonyoung asks, amused by the other boy's own amusement at the snow falling.

"I guess you could say that," he smiles, eyes closed as he feels the snowflakes fall on him. "I don't want to go anywhere. Let's walk."  
"Wherever our feet take us?" Soonyoung guesses.

And Jihoon nods, opening his eyes to look at him. "Wherever our feet take us."

There are the times when they eat lunch together, and Jihoon has curled himself up to take the least possible space on the chair across Soonyoung, scribbling something in his notebook with his face scrunched in determination, and the sunlight streams down on him in golden shades— it's a scene that makes Soonyoung feel all warm inside.

 

_"How's the jjamppong?" asks Soonyoung, looking at his phone for a moment while he and Jihoon are eating lunch.  
When he doesn't get a reply, he wonders if he wasn't heard, so he looks up to find Jihoon on the chair, impossibly smaller in his sitting position, brows furrowed, as he mumbles something under his breath, bopping his head to a sound only he can hear. The sunlight makes his hair appear dark brown, and it reflects well on his fair complexion.  
Soonyoung stares at him until he finishes, and Jihoon looks up. "Uh, you were saying?"  
Soonyoung chuckles to himself._

The times when Soonyoung will place things inside the cabinets that Jihoon can't reach just for fun, making Jihoon glare and pout and curse at him lightheartedly, so he demands Soonyoung to get it for him _or else_ , and Soonyoung will always give in anyway— it's a scene that Soonyoung wants to keep and have forever.

_Soonyoung dashes through the small hallway, coming from Jihoon's room, into the kitchen. He hurriedly tiptoes up to open the top cabinets, sliding the piece of clothing inside.  
"Soonyouuung!" comes Jihoon's protests, hitting him lightly on the chest. "You fucker. You know I can't fucking reach that. Give it back."  
"No can do, Jihoonie~" he singsongs, shielding himself from Jihoon's hands.  
"Please! It's my last fucking pair of clean underwear, you asshole."  
Soonyoung smiles innocently.  
"Or else."  
"Or else what, Jihoonie?"  
"Or else you won't be able to have children because I'll kick you so hard in the gems."  
"Ooh," Soonyoung teases. "Kinky."  
"Literally shut up," Jihoon warns, raising a leg.  
"Okay!" Soonyoung says, reaching up for the cabinet. "Gee, do I look like someone who's gonna have biological kids? 'Cause last time I checked, I still like dick, and I care for our earth, y'know, so, gotta stop the overpopulation. Here ya go," he says, still smiling a little.  
Jihoon kicks him in the shin anyway. The shin, at least. "Thank you, good sir," before running back off to his room.  
"Ow! Lee Jihoon! I still want to be able to dance!"_

Times when Jihoon would sit in the practice room, being the first one Soonyoung would always show the new stuff he'd come up with, how Soonyoung would always be a nervous wreck before dancing in front of him, and how Soonyoung would blush when he just as much meets Jihoon's gaze, and how Jihoon would always know which part he liked and which part was slightly off, and his fair criticizing— it makes Soonyoung feel like he and Jihoon have known each other for years.

_The opening notes (whistles, rather) of the song fill the room, and Soonyoung feels his heart race, looking down at his feet as he dances to the chill intro, knowing that Jihoon is looking intently at him.  
It's the demo track for one of the songs Jihoon has made. The opening chorus comes, with Jihoon's voice, and Soonyoung finds himself moving with ease when the beat drops.  
He smiles to the quirky parts of the choreo, making sure to meet Jihoon's gaze when he does. The chorus comes in again, and he mouths along to the lyrics of 'And I'm starting to suffocate, I'm a swimming fool,' catching Jihoon smile at him.  
It ends at the second chorus for now, and Soonyoung decides that he lives for how Jihoon shyly says that he "enjoyed it."  
"I think that the part for the drop is really cute," he says, but catches himself. "I mean— I meant that it fits really well."  
"Thanks," Soonyoung smiles. "What else?"  
"I liked the part for the pre-chorus too. Most parts, though, look a bit too... empty? I feel like I should be seeing a bit more movement. Like... a group performance?"  
Soonyoung's eyes light up. "Oh! Jihoon! That's— That's actually a great idea."  
"R-Really?"  
"Yeah! I can totally see it. I could get a few other guys to dance to your song! How cool would that be, right?"_

And now— they walk side by side on the snowy path beneath their boots, with Soonyoung telling a really unfunny joke to which Jihoon snorts at before he surprisingly bursts out laughing. Jihoon sneaks up on him to throw a snowball at the back of his head, which then turns into Soonyoung chasing him with snowballs in his hand, then he'll warn Jihoon not to slip, but Jihoon does slip and pretends to get hurt, which makes Soonyoung panic and apologize while running towards him, only to have Jihoon laugh loudly and brightly at him because he got fooled. Then Jihoon throws a snowball at his face, and Soonyoung finds himself laughing along, laying down next to him, on whoever the hell's lawn this is in this neighborhood, while they look up at the night sky— and it's a scene that is honest, a scene that doesn't lie, a scene that tells Soonyoung that _Jihoon is the one_.

All these times, so many moments that Soonyoung can't all remember, feel different now— because Soonyoung is seeing the real Jihoon. Jihoon who is not trying to be anything for him anymore. Not just Jihoon who is good in bed and heatedly makes out with him when they're both troubled and offers to fuck when he hears Soonyoung jack off. Not Jihoon who is his fuck-buddy that pays half the rent. No. It's Jihoon who is smart, and genuine, and funny, and good with a lot of things, and talented, and sometimes short-tempered, and grumpy when he hasn't had coffee, and pretends to hate it when he's called cute but knows he is, and gets flustered when he's complimented because he doesn't really know how to take them— and so, so, much more about him, so many that Soonyoung is unable to think of everything. Jihoon, who is beautiful, and everything Soonyoung has never expected, but everything he's ever wanted and more.

And just like that, he knows that he's dumb. He's so, so, stupid. No wonder Jihoon was fond of calling him a dumbass, or a dimwit, or a dummy— and every other endearment disguised as an insult!

Only a fool like him would be thickheaded enough to have this wonderful boy he truly loves slip away.

"H-Hey," Soonyoung starts, catching his breath. "You, uh— do you still remember that time when— oh god, this is embarrassing."  
"The time when what?" Jihoon asks, tilting his head to the side to look at him.

Soonyoung looks at Jihoon, then at his lips, then away, hoping the blush on his face isn't too evident. "I mean—" he hesitates. "Thesecondtimewehookedup," he manages to say.

"I... I think I caught that," Jihoon says, though still confused. "What about thesecondtimewehookedup?"  
Soonyoung pouts. "Hey! Don't mock me," he mumbles, and Jihoon just laughs. "About that— you asked me something."  
Jihoon hums, signalling him to go on. "I... Back then, I told you I wasn't sure how I should answer it. Until now, I don't quite know either," Soonyoung smiles sheepishly.

Just to make sure they're on the same page, he adds, "...You asked me why I disliked you so much."  
"Of course I remember," the smaller boy smiles. "That's a funny thing to bring up. What, me asking you that as if you weren't abusing me with your hips and literally anyone could hear us," he laughs, laying back down nonchalantly, though hearing Jihoon say it makes Soonyoung flush. "It feels so long ago, don't you think? I guess that makes two... I don't know why I disliked you so much back then either. But you did throw up on me at a party once."  
"No!" Soonyoung gasps. "I really did? No, you're shitting me!"  
"I shit you not!" he laughs. "You didn't even apologize and I was all, 'Wow, he's arrogant,' or something."  
"I'm sorry," he chuckles. "That aside, I want to let you know that there's... something else that I do know, though," says Soonyoung, standing back up and dusting snow off his back.

Jihoon sits back up, holding a hand out for Soonyoung to help him get up. When he does, Jihoon asks, "What is it, then? That we were being mean to each other because we wanted to sleep with each other?" he jokes.

"Not that. Let's go home first. Maybe I'll tell you."  
"Oh, you better tell me now!"  
"Nuh-uh, not happening," Soonyoung says, stuffing his hands into his coat pockets, walking again.

Following Soonyoung, Jihoon sulks, glaring at him. "Fine. When we get there."  
"...Don't pout."  
"I am not pouting!" Jihoon pouts.

The taller boy sighs, his breath fogging up against his face, before taking his right hand out of his pocket. He holds Jihoon's left, clasping them together, before placing them back in his coat pocket. Thank goodness that they turn out to be both out of their right minds— neither of them are wearing gloves in mid-December.

"Good?" Soonyoung asks.  
"Y-Yeah... Really— Really good," Jihoon stammers, growing pink in the face, opting to look down at his feet.

They walk for some more minutes; relatively faster, because they're both starting to freeze. Soonyoung doesn't let go of Jihoon's hand.  
"R-Race you there," Jihoon breathes out, when they've finally arrived outside their apartment block. "Loser has to do whatever the winner says... until tomorrow."  
"Tomorrow only? Isn't that too light?" Soonyoung asks, nudging him.

Jihoon lets go of Soonyoung's hand. "Fine! Until... Until Christmas, then."  
Soonyoung grins at him. "That's great," he whispers. "On three?"  
He nods. "One... two... thr—"  
Soonyoung grabs him by the shoulders, then meets his lips with Jihoon's. It's abrupt, because Soonyoung stops before he can allow himself to give in, before Jihoon can even process what's happening, and the next thing Soonyoung hears when he runs off into the building is Jihoon shouting, "Y-Yah! You fucking cheater!"

Soonyoung is half-worried when he reaches their floor, that Jihoon didn't actually come after him. He sits outside their door, waiting, until Jihoon does actually arrive.

"Don't give me that look," Jihoon barks, and Soonyoung scurries to open their door. "I found a reason to dislike you, you ass."  
"I'm sorry, Hoonie," he pouts, before adding, "It's part of the plan."  
"...What plan?" Jihoon asks, eyebrows knitted together when they're both inside.

Soonyoung runs off to turn on the heater, then he removes Jihoon's coat, hooking it on the coat hanger. Soonyoung stands in front of him, mumbling, "Close your eyes."

Jihoon stills, doing so, his heart beating so, so, quickly, that he has to scold it to calm down. He hears Soonyoung walk a few steps away, and something being placed on the kitchen counter. The melodious sound of a calm piano fills his ears, and Jihoon immediately perks up, unable to recognize it. So much for being a music major.

At once, Jihoon feels a hand take his right, and another to rest on his waist. Soonyoung places Jihoon's left hand up on his shoulder, before laughing quietly. "You can open your eyes now, you know."  
Jihoon's eyes flit open, surprising himself as he looks into Soonyoung's eyes looking deeply into his. "Oh, where are my manners— may I have this dance, Lee Jihoon?"  
The said boy feels himself flush, before he replies, "Yes, you may."

They move slowly, eyes rarely leaving each other, only doing so to watch their footing. After a few moments of just swaying around, the occasional twirl and occasional trip, along with a few giggles, they both close their eyes, not saying anything, just letting the music guide them.

"I am no well-off guy who can dance with you after I treat you to a candlelit dinner, but I guess I dance well enough to offer you just a dance," Soonyoung says, which makes Jihoon open his eyes, only for him to find Soonyoung's already opened, too. "And only a dance."  
"That's not true," Jihoon mumbles, and Soonyoung spins him around. "You've given me a lot, you know."  
"Like what? A headache?"  
"You know that's not what I mean," Jihoon replies, this time spinning Soonyoung around. "I— this is embarrassing to say... You've given me the feeling of love. Or something. I don't know. It's— I-It's my first time feeling like this."  
"...Then, if this is what love feels like— it's my first time too," Soonyoung whispers, and their dancing slowly comes to a halt.

"If I don't know why I disliked you so much... should I tell you what I do know, though?"  
"W-What?" Jihoon breathes out.

"I know that I love to be with you. It's a feeling that I can't describe."  
"...In that case, am I supposed to say that I love to be with you too?"  
And that earns Jihoon a chuckle. "Maybe," Soonyoung mumbles. "You're good at this. Dancing, I mean."  
"Thank you... I— I used to dance."  
And it earns Jihoon another chuckle. "You always surprise me, Ji."  
"Stop trying to sound so fancy and sophisticated, Soon," the smaller boy laughs.

"I think I'm in love with you."  
Jihoon doesn't say anything, but he pulls Soonyoung down, resting their foreheads against each other. "In this case, you're supposed to say that you're in love with me too," Soonyoung jokes.

"You dork," Jihoon whispers, looking up at him. "J-Just shut up and kiss me."

And Soonyoung kisses him, gently and tenderly, and Jihoon doesn't need to play games anymore, because he knows that Soonyoung is kissing him right now because _he loves him_. Not because he's tired or angry. Not because he feels he is obliged to do so. Not because of anything else.

True as it is that they have kissed countless times before; this one is different— because it's real, and it's true, and it's sincere, and it just feels right— because it's them, and they understand each other. Better than ever.

And Soonyoung doesn't know why, but he's suddenly crying, and he parts from Jihoon, not wanting their kisses to taste salty of tears. "Oh, Soonie, don't cry," Jihoon says in a soft voice, reaching up to wipe his cheeks.

"I'm s-sorry," the taller boy blubbers out. "For everything. You j-just make me feel so— so loved. And protected. Especially that one. It's overwhelming. You deserve the best, e-even if I can't be that."  
And Jihoon knows, and he remembers— from that night they first happened, and how he knew Soonyoung had come from a bad relationship, just by the unpretty marks left on his skin, long gone now, though— and even before that, like that time he saw it with his own eyes. His heart pangs. "No, no, shush. You don't know what you're saying, love. I'm not looking for the best— I already have you, yeah? It's alright. It's okay. We're both long overdue with our equal apologies," he says, smiling. "I'm sorry too. For everything."  
Soonyoung still sobs a little, and Jihoon decides to hug him so he can calm down, but it turns out that he just cries harder. "I-I'm still more sorry, Hoonie. You never deserved any of the shit I gave you. I w-was s-selfish and I continued messing around with you because I wasn't ready for a new relationship. I e-even got jealous of s-someone who was just a friend to you! I didn't consider your feelings because I-I was such an insensitive a-and inconsiderate and _selfish_ fuckin—"  
"—Soon, babe, listen to me, okay?" Jihoon chides lightly, wiping his cheeks. He parts from the hug slightly to look at him, stilling him by the shoulders. "Don't talk about yourself like that. You did that because you were hurt. I just happened to be there, and shit happened, you know?"  
"But it didn't have to be like t-that! I p-played you, Ji."  
"No, no, shhh, it's fine," Jihoon finds himself saying, full of fondness in his heart, as he pulls him in an embrace once more, brushing through Soonyoung's dark hair. "It's alright, Soonyoung. I've already forgiven you. You are a great person, and I know you never meant to hurt me. You deserve this much. You deserve to be so, so happy. I-I love you," he says, worrying about stuttering the last part, because he was so nervous.

"God, I love you, too," Soonyoung mumbles into his shoulder.

"This was so worth it," Jihoon mutters after a few moments, more to himself, rather than to Soonyoung, whose head he was still caressing. "All this time, we had been running around, not knowing what to do, not really understanding why we were doing what we were doing. I guess all of that made for an emotional confession like this."  
"I know," Soonyoung sniffles, wiping his eyes, before detaching himself from Jihoon. "Wouldn't have happened if I had never been so stupid."  
"Stop saying that. You know I like you stupid," the other boy says, looking at him, reaching out to pinch his cheeks. He places his arms on Soonyoung's shoulders, wrapping them around his neck, and Soonyoung rests his hands on Jihoon's waist. Like they're dancing again.

It doesn't matter if there's music or not. It doesn't matter if they're following a sequence of steps or not. It doesn't matter whether they're good dancers or not.

Jihoon has found Soonyoung to be the dance to the music— and Soonyoung has found Jihoon to be the music to the dance. It just so happens that in this moment, they realize that love, sometimes, doesn't need a predictable harmony. Sometimes it's everything you would have never expected— but here it is, creating the most beautiful song, without the music, without the dance.

That night, they hold each other tightly, with the intimacy that they accepted and stopped trying to run away from. It had always been there— a feeling of closeness, and safety, and the sense of belonging simply just like this in each other's arms.

Prior to actually laying there together that night, they had bickered over whose room to stay in.

"My room is bigger!"  
"Yeah, well, my bed is bigger, and you know that, Ji."  
"We fit just right in mine too," Jihoon points out. "I— I like how close it allows us to get."  
Soonyoung crosses his arms like a child. "But we always stay at yours!"  
"Please, Soonieee," Jihoon whines uncharacteristically.

"Let me think... No," Soonyoung smiles, knowing Jihoon will give in. "Good night, sweetheart," he teases, closing the door to his room on him.

"F-Fine!" Jihoon says loudly for him to hear, staying in his own room. It doesn't take him very long to come knocking on Soonyoung's, and he's a little mad at how Soonyoung just _knew_ he would admit defeat.

The taller boy already has a wide, cheeky smile on his face, upon opening the door. "Miss me already?"  
"Shut the hell up," Jihoon mumbles, pushing through, inside Soonyoung's room. "Just sleep with me."  
"...Not like that, right?"  
"Not like that!" Jihoon says quickly, feeling his face heat. "At least not... yet."  
Soonyoung reaches out to affectionately mess his hair. "Okay," he says, sitting on his bed. "Come on over here now."

...And then, they bicker over who gets to spoon who.

"Yah, it should be me— I'm taller than you, and I'm broader than you, and you fit right into me—"  
"—So what if I do? What, just because I'm small means I always have to take on the smaller roles? I can still wrap around you and protect you!"  
Soonyoung gets visibly flustered, but he is a man who is determined to win this point. "But I want to— wait! You... You lost our bet! You do as I say until Christmas, right, right?" he asks, eyes lighting up in excitement.

And Jihoon groans. "And here I thought you forgot about it."  
"I have good memory!"  
"Yeah, whatever," Jihoon says, rolling his eyes playfully. "Alright, alright— you get to do what you want."

Soonyoung giggles, placing a kiss on the top of Jihoon's head as a thanks, before pressing Jihoon's back flush against his chest. Soonyoung slides his arms over, around the other boy's little waist, at the same time nuzzling into his nape.

Jihoon squirms away from his touch, shivering slightly. "Hey. My neck is sensitive."  
"Ticklish, you mean?"  
"W-Whatever. Just go and sleep, Soon."  
The latter tangles their legs around first, before placing his chin atop Jihoon's head. "Okay. Sleep tight, Hoonie."  
Said boy hums, nestling in closer to him. "You too... My sweet prince," which makes Soonyoung do his small little giggle.  
"l love ya."  
"Love you," they say at the same time, which makes them erupt into a small fit of laughter.

It's warm, and lovely, and beautiful. Just the way they like it.

 

* * *

 

"What do you mean 'you can't go'?" Seungcheol barks, through the phone.

Jihoon, on the other line, winces slightly at his blaring voice, making him look sheepishly at his boyfriend. They both have the call on speaker phone. "Yeah, I, uh— something came up, alright?"  
"What's this, what's this I'm hearing?" he hears Joshua ask. "Jihoonie isn't coming?"  
"Apparently!" Seungcheol says. "What's up, Ji?"  
"It's nothing," Jihoon lies, playing with Soonyoung's hands. Soonyoung tuts at him, giving a face of disapproval. "Just tell them," he mouths out.

"No way!" Jihoon mouths back, before making a sliced-off head gesture. Soonyoung sticks his tongue out, laying back down on the bed.

"Hey, hey, Jihoonie is our guest of honor!" he now hears Jeonghan say. "You said you were completely free! You aren't coming home to yours or anything, right?"  
"I'm not. I just have something really important to attend."  
"More important than our Eve party? Come ooon, Jihoon."  
Seungcheol clicks his tongue. "Yah, you're lying, Ji! I know it."  
"Cheol is probably right," his two other boyfriends say in chorus.

Jihoon sighs. "Fine. What do I have to do to get you guys to believe me?"  
"Just tell us about your super _important_ event. Where? What time? With who?"  
Soonyoung laughs quietly at him, mouthing "You're done for."  
Jihoon rolls his eyes. "My, er, cousin and her family are back from the States. You know, coming home for Christmas and all."  
"Oh? Really now?"  
"Yeah," Jihoon says as casually as possible, trying not to notice Soonyoung snickering. "I've told you about them before, remember?"  
"Yeah. Probably. Okay, then, where is it?"  
"Somewhere in Gangnam, I think," he replies, and Soonyoung goes to lay down on his lap. "Stop distracting me," he mouths. "Anyway," he tells Seungcheol. "My cousin told me she'll text me the address tomorrow."  
"And when's the party?" Seungcheol inquires, but fucking _Soonyoung_ has moved from his place again, and he's sitting behind him, arms wrapped around his waist, chin on Jihoon's shoulder.

"Seven. And don't call it a party, what the hell, it's just a family dinner," he says, and Soonyoung kisses his shoulder, to around his ear, then his cheek. "Soonyoung! Stop it," he whisper shouts, wiggling away from his grasp, stifling back a squeal because _it really fucking tickles_.

"Don't lie to them," he whispers back, snuggling into his neck. "Just say you're going on a date with the hottest guy you've ever met."  
Jihoon can't even understand what Seungcheol is saying at this point. "Shut up! That's a bigger lie. You fuckin' wish."  
"Jihoonie! I'm so hurt," Soonyoung whispers, fake crying.

"Soonyoung, we're on speaker, s-stop— yah! Stop tickling me!" and Jihoon pushes him back, making him stumble off the bed and onto the floor. With a thud. And a little yelp.

Seungcheol hears. "What was that noise?"  
"Ummm," Jihoon mumbles, looking at Soonyoung, who was fucking _laughing_ at how he fell off. "Probably just Soonyoung. He tends to make a lot of ruckus."  
"Okaaay," Seungcheol says in a teasing voice, and Jihoon can practically imagine his face from here. "Anything you wanna update me about you and Soonyoung?"  
"N-No! Nothing," he replies quickly, and now Soonyoung is giving him a knowing look.

"Which means," Seungcheol says. "He isn't going back to his home either? It's already the 23rd."  
"Nah, he's a hard worker. Handling a few jobs is all."  
"Then go give him company for the holidays! He must be very... lonely."  
"S-Shut up, Cheol!"  
"Hey! It's 'hyung' to you!"  
"I don't care. He isn't lonely or whatever. I don't care about him."  
"Soonyoung is not lonely because his boyfriend Jihoonie promised to sleep with him until the New Year!" Soonyoung blurts out, out of nowhere, loud and clear for Seungcheol, and probably Jeonghan and Joshua too, to hear. Jihoon hits his arm, hanging up the call, throwing his phone somewhere on the bed. "Yah! We've been official two days and I'm already breaking up with you!"  
"No, no, please, forgive me, sweetcheeks," he says cutely, making kissy faces at him. "I just want to brag about you to everybody~ And how lucky I am to have the cutest boy in the world love me!"  
"Shut up," Jihoon chides, without spite. "Don't do that again."  
"Yes, sir," he laughs, sitting in between Jihoon's legs, leaning onto his chest. "Just tell them you have a date with me! They'll understand. You should be allowed to do that stuff too, Hoonie. They'd be really happy for you!"  
"But they'll never stop teasing me about it," Jihoon pouts down at him.

"Yah, yah, let me," Soonyoung decides, reaching for the phone.

"Soonyoung!"  
"No, no, Ji, I'll introduce myself!"  
"I don't want to hear this," Jihoon mumbles, covering his ears.

Soonyoung shuffles, facing Jihoon, to place a peck on his lips. "Trust me," he mutters, before going back to his position on Jihoon's chest. A ring of the phone, then Seungcheol's deafening "YOU CALLED!" booming through.

"Yes, this is Jihoonie's number, but _I_ called."  
"Oh... Hello! I guess? Kwon Soonyoung-ssi, right?"  
"Yeah! And don't be so formal, you have to be nice to Jihoonie's boyfriend."  
Jihoon groans above him, and Soonyoung just giggles. "So you twooo... You two are together?" comes Jeonghan's voice.

"Yep!" he cheers. "Just the other day. Anyway, he's very bad at lying, don't you think?"  
"Don't, Soonyoung," Jihoon whines quietly, but audible enough.

"See, as great as your party sounds, Ji can't go, because he has a date with me! He's just making up excuses because he's shy. I'm very sorry if it sounds like I'm stealing him from you hyungs."  
A few seconds of silence. "N-No! No, no, we totally get it!" Seungcheol bursts out. "You kids have a great date and go enjoy yourselves. And, hey, Jihoon!"  
"What?" he grumbles.

"You're a real punk," he laughs. "Congrats on landing yourself a first! Soonyoung here is quite the charmer— keep him, alright?"  
"...Yeah," he blushes, and Soonyoung pokes his cheek.

"Nice. And Soonyoung, my dude, Jihoon can be a real handful, you know. Hot and cold, that type."  
Jeonghan butts in. "Seungcheol just means he's the hugest tsundere ever but in grandpa language,"  
"Hey!"  
Jeonghan ignores his boyfriend. "But Jihoon is very sincere with his feelings! Consider yourself special when he expresses those to you. I mean, he probably already has, but we're just saying."  
"And I'll bet you that he'll show you a side he would never, ever dare show anyone else," Joshua adds. "Not even us, his actual parents, who raised him with all our blood, sweat, and tears," he fake sniffles.

"Thank you, hyungs," Soonyoung giggles. "I'll always take extra care of your Jihoonie! He will be in safe hands with me," he says, before sitting up properly, kissing Jihoon's cheek. "I assure you that he will be so, sooo loved!"  
"Yah, if ever he hurts me, promise me you'll beat him up, you guys," Jihoon jokes.

"Hey! If anything, you're the one who always hurts me, Ji."  
"You two," Seungcheol laughs. "Talk it out and solve it on your own first if anything happens. Only then we'll knock some sense into both of you."  
"Yes, hyung! You heard that, Ji."  
"Right, you kids. We'll be going now. Bye!"  
"Bye, guys!" Jeonghan and Joshua follow.

"Bye, hyungs! Say bye, Ji."  
"Bye. I'm growing up, 'kay? Don't tease me too much."  
"We won't! We're so happy for you, you know. See you," Seungcheol says, before hanging up.

"I love them," Soonyoung immediately says after. "You guys must be so close."  
"Mm," Jihoon hums, slowly spreading his arms out. "I really like you, Soonyoung. Hug me."  
"Jihoonie is still so shy," Soonyoung coos, wrapping him into an embrace.

"Shut up," the smaller boy mumbles into Soonyoung's chest. "Now they think that what you meant by 'me sleeping with you' was sex. I hate you. They'll never let me live."  
Soonyoung chuckles. "Let them be! Even if we just sleep or actually do the do, it's true either way."  
"...Never say 'do the do' again, Soonyoung."  
Said boy laughs loudly, squeezing him tighter, seemingly never wanting to let go, and Jihoon says, "Thanks. For everything."  
"I'm more thankful," he replies. "Kinda want to do the do with you right now but my body says sleep."  
Jihoon laughs. "Then sleep with me?"  
"Sleep it is."

 

* * *

 

Here's a new addition. **Rule #5: Don't ever be afraid of breaking your own stupid rules. Somebody else just might break it for you. And when you do find that person, never let them go.**

Soonyoung doesn't let go, even after the new year has passed, because he learns to only abide by his heart— and Jihoon stays with him, all bets be disregarded and damned, because it's what his heart knows best.

**Author's Note:**

> okay yea it's done now u can pretend never to have read that .
> 
> i can't believe i actually wrote this honestly
> 
> but the idea just came to me and i was not able to get it out of my mind without putting it into words sooo this mess happened
> 
> i also rly can't believe myself because this is SO MUCH longer than i had originally intended it to be man ;( this was supposed to be 25k ish but here we are now
> 
> ALSO i'm so sorry for not updating my latest chaptered fic AT ALL oh my god have i been on a huge block with that plot,, life and school has just been really busy :(((
> 
> btw have you noticed the correlation of the story and some references in it to my fun fact yet??
> 
> anyway look forward to gyuhao as the next part in the series of this au !!! or maybe wonhui hmm but that would be a prequel
> 
> still thank you so much for reading uwu i would love to hear what you think!
> 
> hit me up on twt @prlnceksy <333 i'd love to talk!!!


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